So This is Hell?
by StoryOfMyLife975
Summary: Temari's stuck in Konoha for seven weeks, living with Shikamaru and his family. The problem is, they hate each other! What madness will take place here? ShikaTem. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Why does it seem like everything I write is ShikaTem? I'd like to get out of this…this… rut, but I don't even know if I can write anything else, because I've never tried! . Maybe it's fate. I have to master this before I can move on, or something like that. I don't really mind, though. ShikaTem **_**is**_** my fave pairing.**

**ANYWAY. New story, requested by the lovely usagiki1234. Another ShikaTem, of course, but it's all good. I'd like to establish right now that this story is completely separate from my other ShikaTem, and they have nothing to do with each other at all. That said, I'd like to welcome you to the madhouse that this story is bound to become. usagiki1234 has pretty much given me free reign over the events of the story, and I fully intend to make this as random as possible while still being realistic. So prepare for a roller coaster ride, girls and boys, this is gonna get wild!**

**Disclaimer: Everything except the plot line belongs to Kishimoto, blah blah blah.**

**--**

She glanced down at the paper in her hands, trying in vain to decipher the directions written in chicken-scratch handwriting, shaking her head in exasperation. Gaara had always had awful penmanship, and it didn't help that the sun had set a long time ago. _I've gotten this far, _she thought, _I can't be stopped by his illegible handwriting now!_ Having gone throughout the village searching for the address scrawled on the scrap of paper, she was now back on the outskirts of town, hoping that maybe, just maybe, the house would magically appear. And maybe she could finally get some sleep.

Temari shook her head violently. Sleep? A good ninja never gave in to fatigue! Sleep should have been the last thing on her mind. Right now, she was on a mission. And the first part of her mission was…

Finding the stupid house.

She growled impatiently, a scowl darkening her face. Usually she was pretty good with directions. No. Excellent with directions. But tonight, when she actually needed to find something, when all she wanted was to collapse into anything that slightly resembled a bed _(Stop that! You're a ninja!), _her GPS skills decided to go on the fritz.

_Well, isn't this just lovely?_ she thought sarcastically, a wry smile crossing her lips. _I'm stuck in a strange village, on a mission no less, and the hardest part is turning out to be finding the damn house. What kind of ninja are you anyway, Temari?_

She squinted down at the paper. The number of the house was 26.

Or 20. Or 28.

_Damn you and your chicken scratch!_ she silently cursed her brother, who, despite being the leader of the village, had never learned to write properly.

There! In front of her was house number 28. It seemed as good a house to try as any, so Temari stepped up to the front door and knocked. A light went on in the upstairs window, and she breathed a small sigh of relief. She could hear someone coming down the stairs…walking up to the door…and--

Hold the phone. This couldn't be the right house. Some weird dude was standing in the doorway in nothing but his boxer shorts, looking at her like she was the crazy one.

"Uh…can I help you?" he asked confusedly, his face scrunching up.

"You…you weren't expecting me?" Temari asked, equally baffled.

"No."

"Well, you don't live by yourself, do you?" Gaara had told her that she would be staying with a family of three.

"Actually, I do."

"Oh. Well, then, never mind. Wrong house. I'll be going now." She turned and left, leaving the mystified young man blinking hard and promising himself he would stop drinking before bed.

Temari fought back the overwhelming disappointment she felt at getting the wrong house. _Maybe I should've lied and pretended I was supposed to be there. I'm sure he must've had an extra bed…_She pinched her arm, hard. No more sleep thoughts.

She walked wearily to the next house down. _Okay, last house for tonight, _she said to herself. _If this isn't it, then I will sleep on the ground and find it tomorrow._ And she meant it.

Going up to the door, something behind the house caught her eye. Some kind of animal? She peered into the inky darkness, trying to see. It looked like…a deer? No, couldn't be. _I definitely need some serious shut-eye._ She rubbed her eyes and knocked on the door. She waited.

Nothing.

She tried again. And…

Silence.

Temari gathered up her last dregs of energy and pounded the door a good one. Nothing happened. She turned to go, discouraged beyond description, when a square of light thrown from the doorway landed on the ground beside her. She turned around and saw a woman silhouetted in the yellow light from the house.

"Are you the girl who's staying with us?" the woman inquired curtly. Temari could already tell that she wouldn't take any guff. "The one from the Sand?"

"Yes!" Temari exclaimed, almost laughing with sheer relief. "I mean, yes, that's me. Sabaku no Temari."

"Mm. Well, come in. It's one in the morning, and you look like you could use some rest." The woman beckoned to her, and Temari gladly entered the house.

The woman led her to the guest room, and Temari fell into bed, fully dressed, dead to the world before her head even hit the pillow.

--

"Why didn't anyone tell _me_ about this?"

"Hey, kid, you are on a need-to-know basis, and since you don't own this house, I didn't think it was necessary for you to know about everyone that I decide to allow to stay with us."

"But I _live_ here. You didn't think I needed to know that some random, troublesome chick is taking up my breathing space for the next god-knows-how-many months?!"

"_Never_ let me hear you call a woman a 'chick' again!" A slap. "That is utterly offensive to women and I did _not_ raise you to be discriminatory. And anyway, she's only staying for a few days."

"Really, Mom, do we even know this girl? For all we know, she could murder us in our beds any night."

"Well, nothing happened last night, did it?"

"That doesn't count, she could barely walk!"

Temari pushed herself up on one elbow, groggy with sleep, disoriented by the bright morning sunshine and the loud discussion taking place outside her room. For a moment a rush of adrenaline raced through her veins as she didn't recognize where she was; but then she remembered the events of the previous night and fell back onto the bed with a groan, her arm flopping over her eyes to block the sunlight. She tuned back into the conversation.

"Look, you! You're just so much dead weight. I'm sure that this young woman will be a much better investment than you!"

"Oh, thanks for believing in me, Mom, I'm glad my mother is _so_ supportive!"

Temari recognized the woman's voice from last night, but the other voice was new. It sounded like a teenage boy, and from the sound of it, he wasn't very happy about her being here. _I'll fix that attitude soon enough,_ she thought confidently. She got out of bed, looking around the room.

It really was a pretty room, simple but refreshing: all done up in white, with matching bed sheets and gauzy curtains that fluttered in the breeze coming in from the big open windows. The floor was a light shade of wood _(is that oak wood?)_ and there was a door that she guessed led to the bathroom.

Snatching up a change of clothing and her toiletry bag, Temari stretched and marched off the bathroom. She figured the family feud would be ended by the time she finished showering.

--

Boy, was she wrong.

When Temari stepped out of the bathroom, freshly bathed and with clean clothes on, she was surprised to find that the argument was still being carried on quite vehemently outside the door. Finally she sighed and, deciding that it wasn't going to end unless something interrupted it, stepped out of the door to find mother and son staring each other down. Well, it was more like mother glaring and son pouting.

They both stopped abruptly when they noticed that Temari was standing there. The mother slapped on a smile and said something to the effect of 'good morning,' but the boy didn't even make an effort. He simply crossed his arms and looked away.

Temari smiled. "Good morning!" she chirped cheerfully, behaving like the epitome of optimism simply to see what would happen. And they reacted exactly as she predicted: The mother gave her a strained smile and said, "There's breakfast in the kitchen," gesturing vaguely behind her, and the boy harrumphed and didn't even bother looking her way.

As Temari went off to the kitchen, following her nose rather than the mother's directions, she heard her say, "We'll settle this later. You're going to get along with this girl if it kills you!"

Temari had just sat down at the dining table with her chocolate-chip pancakes when the boy came in, slouching dreadfully. She winced at his terrible posture, checking herself to make sure she was sitting up straight.

He sat down opposite her, not looking at her, not even acknowledging her presence. Temari studied him. He was tall (as she remembered from when she stood next to him; he was almost a full foot taller than she), with black hair pulled into a spiky ponytail and dark eyes that exuded cynicism, almost as much as her own. He had a nice bone structure, making him look older than he probably was (she guessed he was younger than herself), and she found herself chuckling at the babyish pout face he was making.

He suddenly looked up and for the first time, their eyes met. Temari instantly tried to read his expression, but all she saw was resentment and faint annoyance. His thin eyebrows were arranged in a frown. "What are you looking at?" he asked abruptly, crossing his arms.

"Who, me? Nothing," she replied sweetly, "except for a big teenaged baby."

"What?!"

"You heard me. You're probably about, what, fifteen, sixteen? And yet you're throwing a tantrum like you're two. My baby cousin is more mature than you are."

"Tch, whatever," he replied, shrugging. "I don't have to listen to this. You're the guest here, not me."

"Not for long," Temari said. "I'm already making myself at home. In case you didn't know, I'm going to be here for seven weeks."

The boy, who had taken a swig of orange juice, instantly spat it out. His stricken expression made Temari laugh.

"Yep, I'm gonna be here for a while, so you better get used to me, crybaby," she smirked, throwing a paper towel at him. He scowled and picked it up, using it to clean the spilled juice from the table.

There was silence for a while, during which Temari caught him stealing glances at her. She didn't bust him on it; after all, she had checked him out only a few minutes earlier, right? Finally, after several minutes of silence, she heard a resignated sigh and the question, "So who are you, anyway?"

_Now we're getting somewhere! _she thought. Out loud she said, "Temari. And who are you?"

"Shikamaru."

"Any nicknames, Shika?"

"No. And don't call me that." Immediately the wall was back up. _Ah, well,_ Temari thought, _we've got seven whole weeks to learn about each other. _She took another giant bite of pancake and smirked smugly at the frowning boy opposite her. He was going to have to get over his little attitude problem. _Because it's nothing compared to mine._

--

**A/N: In case you didn't notice, our lovely (future) couple Shikamaru and Temari don't know each other in this fic. It just worked out better if she's new in the village and everyone's meeting her fresh. Oh, before I forget: if anybody has anything random and odd that they want to happen, just shout! There are limitless possibilities here, so nothing is too crazy. Shit, there could be flying turtles, for all I care. And…I'm going to go to sleep now. It's a quarter to two in the morning over here, and I feel like I'm gonna fall over. So goodnight, sleep tight, and dream about ShikaTem tonight!**

**Hey, that rhymed. **

**Hugs and kisses! XOXO **

**And btw, I don't remember the exact number of facial muscles it takes to frown...so if I got it wrong, bear with me!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Second chapter! Oh, what madness shall I create today?**

**Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto pwns. And so does Walt Disney. XD (you'll see!)**

**--**

Shikamaru's mother sat down at the table, shrewdly judging the expressions on their faces to mean that things hadn't gotten off to a good start.

"I hope you like pancakes," she addressed Temari, cutting her own breakfast into triangles.

"Yes, these are great," Temari replied, giving her a smile.

Mom glanced over at Shikamaru, who was sulking and picking at his food. "And you, Shikamaru?" she asked, steel running under the sweetness in her voice.

He shrugged. Mom's eyes narrowed. She glared at him intensely before turning back to Temari with a smile. "Don't mind him. He can be immature."

"Oh, we already had a little talk."

"Really?" Mom seemed interested.

"Yes. He knows that I'm going to be here for _seven whole weeks_--" Temari drew those three words out slowly, enjoying the expression on Shikamaru's face-- "and I think we're going to be great friends. Isn't that right, _Shika_?" She grinned wickedly as he flinched at the unwanted nickname.

Mom frowned. "Shikamaru, the young lady is _speaking _to you," she said sternly. "Answer her."

Temari could see the struggle on his face. In a strangled voice, he said, "Yeah. Right."

Mom struck up small talk with Temari, while Shikamaru pouted. Finally he stood up and was just about to leave the table when his mother said, "What do you think you're doing?"

He looked blankly at her.

"Aren't you going to ask to be excused?"

He sighed. "May I be excused?"

"No, you may not!" Mom said. "Wash the dishes, and then you can be excused." She took Temari's empty plate, stacked it on top of her own, and handed them both to Shikamaru.

He took them. Temari could almost hear his teeth grinding. "I'll help with the dishes, Mrs. Nara," she offered, standing.

"Oh, no, you don't have to do that," she argued. "You're a guest. Shikamaru will do it."

"No, I insist," Temari said, pushing her chair in. "I don't want to be dead weight. And besides, it'll make me feel better."

"If you're sure.." Mom said skeptically.

"I'm sure. Besides, the work will go faster with two of us, won't it, Shikamaru?" Temari asked him. He didn't answer.

"Shikamaru…" his mother said dangerously.

"Okay, yeah, sure," he said hurriedly, his back towards them.

"Well, I've got work to do myself," Mom said, leaving the table. "Shikamaru, behave yourself." And she was gone.

Temari sauntered up to the sink, standing next to Shikamaru, who was scrubbing the dishes with a vengeance.

"You want me to dry the dishes?" she asked. He ignored her. Temari sighed. "Fine. I try to help you and you pretend I'm not here? That's fine by me. I don't care. But you can't ignore me forever, Shikamaru." She was making fun of him now. "One of these days, you're going to have to come out of your little ninja turtle shell and speak to me. I'd suggest now as a good time."

He didn't even look at her. So she continued to mock him.

"You really shouldn't frown so much, Shika, you'll get wrinkles that way. You know, it takes more muscles to frown than to smile."

To her surprise, he corrected her, "Sixty-five muscles, to be exact."

Temari gasped dramatically. "So he _can_ talk!" He rolled his eyes.

"You're a smart one, huh?"

Shikamaru snorted. "I'm _the_ smart one."

"Out of who?"

"Out of everyone."

"Oh, is that so?" Temari asked.

"It most certainly is." Shikamaru sounded smug. He handed her a plate, which she dried.

"Well then, explain to me why your behavior hasn't caught up with your brains."

He frowned.

"Oh yeah," she continued, "it's because you're going through puberty…Sorry, for a second there I forgot how stupid teenage guys can be."

"And what about teenage girls?" Shikamaru challenged.

"When it comes to girls, you can't generalize. We're all on different parts of the spectrum. Although I guess you wouldn't know, seeing as you don't have any sisters and I doubt you have a girlfriend," Temari smirked.

He ruffled, and said angrily, "With an attitude like that, I'm sure you don't have a significant other, either. So how are you stereotyping teenage boys?"

"See, I have two younger brothers, so I know plenty about teenage boys. More than I ever wanted to know." Shikamaru just humphed.

They finished the dishes and Shikamaru headed for the front door. He had just opened it when his mother shouted from upstairs, "Where are you going?"

"I'm just gonna go meet up with Ino and Chouji, Mom," Shikamaru said, irritated that his escape plan didn't work.

"Well, take Temari with you," she yelled back. Shikamaru groaned and his whole body slumped. He glared at her. She glared back.

"Shikamaru? Did you hear me?" his mother yelled. Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"I heard you, Mom," he replied, scowling.

"Well? Get going!" After making sure that his mom was done, Shikamaru stalked out the door, Temari behind him.

"So where are we going?" Temari asked, walking fast to keep up with Shikamaru's long strides.

"To the smoothie place," he said grudgingly.

When they arrived, two people Temari had never met were lounging on a booth, sipping fruit smoothies. Well, the girl was sipping a fruit smoothie. The boy was drinking the smoothie, eating a bag of chips, and devouring a candy bar.

"Hey, Shikamaru!" the blonde girl called. He raised a hand in greeting, walking over to them. Then they saw Temari.

The girl's blue eyes got wide, and she gasped. Turning to Shikamaru, she asked excitedly, "Oh my god, Shikamaru, don't tell me you finally got a girlfriend?!" Then she turned on Temari, bombarding her with questions. "What's your name? How old are you? Where are you from, 'cause I know you can't be from Konoha! Your eyes are such a cool color! How'd someone like you end up with someone like Shikamaru? Is that a natural tan? Do you--" She stopped when the boy put his hand on her shoulder.

"Ino, we just met her. I'm sure she'll tell us about herself after she's comfortable."

Ino blinked, then sighed. "I guess you're right, Chouji. It's just that I'm so excited! Shikamaru's got a girlfriend!"

Shikamaru choked. Temari hurriedly went over to them, sitting down. "First of all, I'm _not_ his girlfriend," she informed them, putting emphasis on the word _not_. Ino looked disappointed.

"Oh. Then…why are you here?" Ino asked.

"Because my mom is making me drag her around with me," Shikamaru muttered. Ino shot him a glare and looked back at Temari, who sighed.

"It's kind of a long story…"

"Ooh, I love long stories!" Ino squealed. Temari looked at her strangely, then continued.

"Well, I was here on a mission. All I had to do was deliver some documents to Tsunade. But my brother, who's now the kazekage of our village (I'm from Suna), told me I needed a break and ordered that I stay here for seven weeks." Temari shook her head and held up her hands helplessly. "Why couldn't he just send me to the beach? Or Disneyworld? Instead, I find myself here in Konoha, staying with _this_ bum--" she pointed to Shikamaru, who crossed his arms indignantly-- "who doesn't even like me. It's okay, though. The feeling's mutual." She glared at him.

"It _is_ summer," Ino said thoughtfully. "I mean, we could go swimming and stuff. We'll have fun, don't worry! And don't mind Shikamaru…he's just immature."

"Will you people stop calling me immature?!" he demanded. "I've been hearing that all day!"

"Well, maybe if you act more mature, they won't call you _im_mature," Chouji said logically. Shikamaru scowled at him. "I was just trying to help," Chouji defended himself.

"Anyway," Ino continued, "you said you're here for seven weeks?"

"Yep. Unfortunately." Temari rolled her eyes.

"Then we'll have plenty of time to hang out together! Oh, and by the way, I'm Ino." She pointed to the boy next to her, who was busy with his chips. "And that's Chouji. We're happy to meet you."

"Uh…it's great to meet you too," Temari said.

"So, do you like to--" Ino was cut off by the sound of Beethoven's Fifth. It was coming from Shikamaru. He pulled out his cell phone and answered it, turning away from the group.

"Hey."

"_Shikamaru?"_ They could all hear his mother's voice on the other line.

"Yes, I'm here," he said exasperatedly.

"_I need you to come home right away."_

"What? Why?"

"_Don't ask questions, just obey!"_ Shikamaru held the phone out from his ear at her outburst.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming. Bye." He hung up and turned to the group. "You guys, I gotta go. My mom's yelling about something."

"Your mom's _always_ yelling about something," Chouji said, rolling his eyes.

"Leaving? But you just got here!" Ino protested.

"You know how my mother is," Shikamaru said. They all got sober at that, except Temari, who hadn't seen the monster inside the mother. "I'll see you later." Shikamaru set out for home, not bothering to say anything to Temari. She started to follow him, but Ino stopped her before she got to the door.

"Temari?"

"Yeah?"

"I meant what I said earlier, Shikamaru _can _be immature. But he's also a really great guy. You'll see," Ino told her.

Temari laughed skeptically. "Sure, whatever you say, Ino," she said, waving as she turned and left the shop.

"Mom?" Shikamaru called, stepping in the front door. The first thing he felt was a wave of hot air. He coughed and fanned his hand, trying to get some fresh air. "Mom, where are you?"

"I'm here," she said, walking towards them.

"Why is it so hot in here?" he asked, wiping his forehead.

"What are you talking about?" Temari said. "It feels fine to me."

Mother and son both stared at her. "Temari, it's over eighty-five degrees in this house," Mom said, raising her eyebrows. "I'm roasting."

"I live in a desert, remember?" she reminded them, motioning to herself with her hands. "We get temperatures upwards of a hundred and ten. This is like a picnic compared to Suna."

"Well, you might be used to the heat, but I don't like it," Shikamaru said, unbuttoning his overshirt. "And mom, why'd you call me?"

"The air conditioner broke."

"And what do I have to do with that?"

"You're going to help me fix it," she said determinedly.

"What? Can't we just wait until Dad gets home?" Shikamaru complained. His mother shook her head.

"We most certainly can_ not_ wait until your father gets home!" she said. "We can fix it ourselves. Besides, do you really want to wait another two hours in this heat? I don't. So you're going to help me, right now." She grabbed him by the back of the neck and hauled him towards the broken air conditioner.

Temari blinked. What was she supposed to do now?

An hour later, the two had gotten absolutely nowhere. Temari, who was keeping herself busy by cleaning windows, was amused by Shikamaru's appearance when they arrived back in the house. He was covered head-to-toe in dirt and grime and sweat, and dressed only in a no-longer-white tank and his jeans. His mother, on the other hand, was spotless.

"Have fun, Shikamaru?" Temari called, snickering.

"Do I look like I had fun?" He scowled at her.

"Did you at least fix the air?"

"No. It was a waste of an hour. We should've just waited, since I'm sure the air is worse now than before."

Temari stepped down off of the stool she was using to clean the windows and dried her hands off with a paper towel. "Well, you sure look like you enjoyed yourself. What did you do, wallow around in the mud?"

He snatched the paper towel from her and began futilely wiping off his arms, which Temari unconsciously noticed were athletically toned. "Yes, of course, I went mud-wrestling with the deer in the scorching heat," he said sarcastically. "That's just what I need."

Temari wrinkled her nose. "You _need_ a shower."

"I _need_ a break," he said, huffing.

"You _need_ a good scrubbing."

"No, what I _need_ is for these seven weeks to hurry up and be over." Shikamaru glared at her. She narrowed her eyes and stuck him with one of the coldest stares in her arsenal.

"You know what? So do I."

**A/N: How the heck did the A/C break? Random stuff, yo. Didn't I warn you? Anyway, might be some fluffy awkwardness next chapter, so look forward to it!**

**And btw, I don't actually remember how many facial muscles it takes to frown, etc, etc, so if I got it wrong I'm sorry!**

**Love to you all! XOXOXO**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Chapter three! Let's get this show on the road, shall we? (Is there awkwardness here? We will see, won't we? XD)**

**Disclaimer: Naruto ain't mine.**

**--**

The next morning, Temari woke up in her own bed at home. She sat up, expecting to see her purple-painted room, with her old childhood fans hung on the wall. Instead, she realized she was in a completely different house.

_If I'm not in Suna, then why is it so hot?_ she asked herself. Then she remembered that she was in Konoha, in some random person's house, and the air conditioning was broken.

"Well, a girl can dream," she sighed, pulling herself out of bed. After making sure that the door was closed, Temari stripped down to her birthday suit, grabbed a towel, and headed for the shower.

Five minutes later, Shikamaru woke from his dreams to the sound of someone calling him. "What the--" he said, not recognizing the voice. Then he remembered that there was some random girl, from Suna no less, living in _his_ house. And to make matters worse, the air conditioning was broken. _And in my dream I was all cooled off,_ he thought sorrowfully.

"Well, a guy can dream," he sighed, pulling himself out of bed. He realized that he was drenched in sweat from the overwhelming heat, and changed into a fresh pair of shorts and a clean shirt, Temari calling him all the while. Finally he trudged down the stairs to the guest room, scowling and muttering curses under his breath. He opened the door, and there stood Temari, buck naked except for one thick towel and a frown.

"Uh…what did you want?" he asked warily, looking anywhere and everywhere but at her.

"The shower's not working," she replied sharply, not enjoying this any more than he was.

"You used it yesterday," Shikamaru accused.

Temari shifted her weight to her hip. "Well, it _isn't working today_," she said, biting down on the words and glaring at him.

"Okay, I'll do it," he said, going past her to the bathroom. "Troublesome female, always causing trouble…can't rest properly with her in my house…"

"I heard that!" Temari yelled. Shikamaru ignored her and walked over to the shower, checking the faucet.

"It looks fine to me," he yelled.

"It won't turn on," Temari said, suddenly standing behind him. He jumped.

"Did you try _turning the handle?" _he said, as if Temari were mentally challenged.

"Of course I did, stupid."

"You probably just didn't turn it hard enough," Shikamaru commented dismissively.

"Are you saying I'm weak?"

"What?"

"I could've turned it harder, but it would've broke, thank you very much," Temari snapped. "Sexist bastard."

"I heard that."

She ignored him and began to tap her fingers on her thigh. "Well? Are you gonna fix it or not?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist," he said unthinkingly. Then he remembered that she wasn't wearing any. He felt his ears growing hot. "What I meant to say was, uh…"

"I get it," Temari interrupted him. She put her hands on her hips. "You think _you're_ uncomfortable? _I'm_ the one with no clothes on here. So if you would just kindly turn on the damn shower, I'd like for you to leave A.S.A.P."

Shikamaru grumbled and turned his attention to the shower handle. He grabbed it and twisted it to the right. Nothing. He tried again, twisting it farther this time. He heard Temari chuckle meanly at his unsuccess. Getting irritated, he scowled and twisted it as hard as he could.

The handle promptly popped off, and water began to spray from the hole into the tub.

"Oh, for the love of…" he trailed off, slapping his palm to his forehead.

"Hey, this is no time for self-pity!" Temari reminded him, gesturing to the water quickly filling the tub.

Shikamaru clenched his jaw. This girl, this…this…evil female _beast_! Would she never stop causing him trouble? He reached into the shower and tried pulling up the little lever that switched the water flow from tub to shower.

Of course, that also broke off in his hand, and now both the tub faucet and the showerhead were shooting water. The tub began to overflow, and water splashed onto the waxed tile floor.

"Well, fuck a duck," Temari commented. "How does one person ruin a whole shower system?"

"Screw you!" Shikamaru shouted over the noise of the water flow, fed up with her. "None of this would have ever happened if you hadn't come here, you stupid jinx!"

"Ex_cuse _me?!" Temari yelled, stamping over to him. "Your mom _volunteered_ to keep me here! _I_ don't even want to be in this damn hick town anyway! _I_ wanted to go to the beach! But my asshole brother sends me here, to this stupid village, where people can't even fix a fucking shower!"

The word "shower" brought them back to the present situation. By now the tub was pouring onto the floor, which had a good four inches of water on it. Shikamaru waded through the water to the shower, trying in vain to stuff a towel into the hole.

He looked over at Temari, who was watching him with her arms crossed and her face cloudy. "What are you waiting for?" he yelled, struggling to be heard above the spraying faucets. "Get over here and help me!"

She reluctantly went over, grabbing another extra towel and pushing it into the other faucet hole. The water was quickly rising. Shikamaru pushed hard, straining to stop the spray. Suddenly he slipped in the water and fell, hitting Temari on the way down like dominoes. They landed in the water with Shikamaru lying on top of Temari, his head in an awkward spot between her breasts. When he realized where he was, his eyes widened and he immediately jumped up only to slip and fall again, landing on her legs. Temari pushed him roughly in an effort to rise herself, but it was nearly impossible. Finally Shikamaru got into a semi-standing position, and Temari pulled at his shirt to try and stand up herself. They stood for a grand total of 1.5 seconds, then Temari fell forward, pushing Shikamaru down, and landed in a straddling position even more awkward than the other one.

And of course, the parents picked that exact moment to open the door.

--

Shikamaru's dad just couldn't stop laughing.

"But…I still don't understand!" he exclaimed, clutching his stomach and gasping for air. "How on earth did you break the whole shower system? _And_ flood the bathroom?" He collapsed into laughter again.

Shikamaru's mother wasn't nearly as amused. She crossed her arms and glared coldly at her son. "It's only seven in the morning, and already you're trying to take advantage of this poor girl?!" she asked, gesturing to Temari (now fully clothed).

"What?!" Shikamaru cried, outraged at the injustice. "You're crazy! All I wanted to do was sleep, but this she-devil wakes me up, forces me to do manual labor, and then ends up getting me in trouble because _she_ was on top of _me_ when you two came in, okay?!"

"You watch your mouth, young man!" his mother yelled. "This girl has been nothing if not helpful and polite, so don't you dare pin this whole fiasco on her! Why would she initiate anything between you two, anyway? She's known you barely two days!"

Shikamaru's jaw dropped. He looked around in disbelief, his eyes finally landing on Temari, who was strangely silent.

"Temari, you know the truth! Tell them!" he demanded. "Tell them!"

She blinked innocently, asking, "Tell them what?"

"Arrgh!" Shikamaru yelled. "I can never win!" He stomped off to his room, slamming the door behind him with a bang.

His mother gasped angrily in shock. She started off for his room, but her husband grabbed her arm and gently pulled her back. "Leave the boy alone, hon," he said. "At least we got a good story out of it." She looked angry for a few more seconds, then blew out a puff of air, blowing a few strands of sweat-soaked hair off of her forehead.

"He'd better be glad you stick up for him," she warned, "or I would've killed that child by now!" She turned to Temari, suddenly cheery. "Oh, and you can use Shikamaru's bathroom for the time being," she said. "Until we can get yours repaired."

"Thanks," Temari said, suddenly tired. Wrestling with a shower really took it out of you. Not to mention that her abs were killing her from trying not to laugh at Shikamaru.

"Would you like something to eat?" Mom asked. "I can whip up something if you--"

"No, I'm fine, thanks," Temari assured her.

"Are you sure? It's no trouble…"

"Let her alone," Shikamaru's dad said. He placed his hand on Temari's shoulder and smiled kindly. "You look tired. Get some rest."

Startled by his mellowness after all that had happened, Temari blinked and smiled back. "I will." She headed for her room to take a catnap.

--

Meanwhile, Shikamaru was spread out on his bed, arms and legs lying akimbo, a black look over his face.

_Only two days, and already our house is breaking down and I'm being blamed for everything,_ he thought darkly. _I'm used to being an only child. I don't like having another teen sharing my space. Troublesome woman…why did she have to end up staying _here_? There are plenty of homes. She could've stayed with Hinata, her house is huge…but her family is so refined and polite and Temari definitely _isn't_ refined or polite. She could have stayed with Kakashi and Naruto…that is, if she wanted to be raped in her sleep. Well, she could stay with Ino._

"That's it!" Shikamaru suddenly sat up, a "eureka" expression on his face. He almost laughed and cried at the same time. _It's genius! They're both bossy blondes, so they should get along fine! If I can just get them to be good friends, I could drop hints to Ino that she should invite Temari to stay with her. And all my problems would be solved! _He chuckled. _Of course, I'd still see her now and then, but that I can deal with. Maybe we could even be civil, just as long as we aren't living together._ Shikamaru sighed in amazement at his own brilliance. "I really am a genius," he said, laughing joyfully.

He ran (walked quickly) downstairs wearing a giant smile. His parents glanced at him, then did a double take.

"What's wrong with you?" his mother said suspiciously.

Shikamaru hugged her and sang, "Nothing's wrong with me!"

She scrutinized his face, then said in all seriousness, "Shikamaru, are you on drugs?"

He laughed and shook his head. "I'm just happier than I've been in a long time, Mom. A long time." He looked around. "Where's Temari?"

"She's taking a nap. Why?" Mom looked dubious. "Is that…a problem?" she probed.

"No, no problem," he replied. "I'll wait for her to wake up." He almost skipped back up the stairs, humming some catchy commercial ditty.

His mother looked at her husband. He shrugged his shoulders, at a loss for the reason for the sudden change in their son.

"Maybe he had an epiphany," Dad suggested, chuckling.

--

**A/N: Sorry for the shorter chapter, but if I didn't end it right here then I'd be stuck writing for another three hours. Anyway, isn't our Shika smart? He thinks he's found the solution to all his problems. But has he really?**

**(I have no idea whether he has or not. Maybe he really has. ****J**** If you read my other stuff, you know by now that I definitely do not plan out plots. It's dangerous, but I have more fun that way because I can just drop in random brain waste.)**

**How'd you guys like the shower scene? Sexy, no? XDDDD Lawlz. I couldn't help myself. **

**Hugs and kisses, my dears! XOXOXO**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Shikamaru's got a plan. Will it turn out perfectly…or crumble into chaos? Well, whatever the outcome, you ain't finding out this chapter! You'll have to wait, my dears.**

**Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, blah blah blah.**

_**--**_

Shikamaru pulled Temari's arm. "Hey, you," he said. "Girl. Wake up." She mumbled something and frowned in her sleep. Shikamaru groaned. "Come on," he complained. "I'm the one who should be sleeping, not you." He pulled her arm again. Temari rolled over and her other arm hit Shikamaru in the stomach. "Oof!"

Finally he just crouched down next to the bed, right next to her head, and looked at her. He thought of something. "Temari," he said slowly, in a low hypnotist voice. "When you wake up, you will have the urge to move in with Ino. And you will be a normal, calm, peaceful girl who does my bidding and doesn't hit me." Then he sneezed.

Temari woke up with a start, looking around and finally seeing him. "What the…?" she exclaimed, sitting up. "What the hell are you doing, moron?" She socked him in the bicep.

"Get up already," he grumbled, rubbing his bruised arm. "I'm going to go hang out with the crew. I thought you might like to come along, so I just came to wake you up, and you end up physically assaulting me…"

She glared at him and swung her legs out of the bed, standing up. "Oh, I'll show you physical assault," she growled, stomping past him to the door. Unfortunately, she couldn't make her grand exeunt because Shikamaru's long legs allowed him to catch up with her in about three strides. The ruin of her dramatic exit brought her mood level down two notches.

It wasn't until they were well on their way that Temari noticed something. "Hey, crybaby, why did you ask me to come with? Usually you'd try anything to get out of dragging me along…what's brought about the change?" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

Shikamaru coughed surreptitiously to buy himself time, casting a furtive glance at Temari and then back at the road. "Well…I…"

"Yeah?"

"I decided that since we're going to be living together for a pretty long time, and there's no way of getting out of it, I might as well be decent towards you. It's no good making you an enemy if I'm going to have to live with it afterwards, so…" He trailed off, hoping she was buying it.

"Uh-huh." She wasn't. Shikamaru looked over to see her with her arms crossed, scrutinizing his face. Temari raised a skeptical eyebrow and narrowed her eyes.

"I'm not falling for that piece-of-crap explanation," she declared, nailing him with a cold glare. "You'll have to do better than that. Now explain yourself."

Shikamaru sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "You're right," he admitted. "I don't know why I thought I could fool you. Guess I can't pull the wool over your eyes." Temari still looked mean, but she seemed to be softening up a little. "Temari, what I mean to say is…"

"Yes?"

"I'm doing this because…" Shikamaru racked his brain for a plausible lie he could use.

"Because _what, _idiot? Spit it out."

Shikamaru tried to look as if he couldn't decide whether to tell her. Temari thought he looked constipated.

"Because…because…" he said hesitantly.

"Ugh, come on already!" Temari exclaimed.

"Because I love you," he finally said, with as much conviction as he could muster. Inside he was dying of laughter. He thought he might get a hernia from holding it all in.

Temari blinked. "…What did you say?"

"I knew you wouldn't believe me. That's why I should have never told you," he said in his most dramatic soap opera impression, trying as hard as he could to conjure up a tear.

Temari's face was blank.

Shikamaru got worried. If she didn't fall for this one, he was in trouble. He hurriedly pleaded, "I know we've only known each other for a day or two. But I loved you from the moment I saw you! I only pretended to hate you…." He tried to remember all the sappy lines from those chick flicks Ino forced him to watch.

She didn't say a word. Shikamaru was impressed at how she was devoid of all emotion, but at the same time beginning to feel a slight panic as he couldn't tell how much of it she believed.

Pulling out his last effort, Shikamaru said, "I'm fine with older women. Age is nothing but a number, anyway! I really think we could make some beautiful music together. All I'm asking is for you to love me like I love you!"

And Temari promptly and calmly punched him in the nose.

--

When the two arrived at the park, Ino gasped. Chouji, who was easily nauseated, had to look away.

Shikamaru and Temari stood stiffly side by side, her with a completely blank face, him with a scowl and his blood-soaked sleeve pressed to his gushing nose.

"Shikamaru!" Ino cried, running over to him. "What happened to you?!"

"Ask _her_," he said vehemently, jabbing his thumb at the silent Temari. He stomped over and sat down on the park bench next to Chouji, who had turned a beautiful shade of mint green.

Ino gaped incredulously at her. "Temari? You did this?" she asked. Temari nodded indifferently.

"See? See?!" Shikamaru said querulously, pointing his finger at her in accusation. "The troublesome woman can't even take a joke! I was kidding around and she hauls off and punches me in the nose!"

Ino stared at Temari for a few seconds, studying her face. Then, quite unexpectedly, she burst into bright laughter. Temari looked slightly confused. Shikamaru looked completely baffled. Chouji just looked sick.

"What…what are you laughing at?" Shikamaru asked, flummoxed.

Ino paused to catch her breath, still giggling, then said, "You! I'm laughing at you, you big baby!" Shikamaru looked indignant. Ino continued, "If Temari punched you, I'm sure she had a good reason for it." Ino threw her arm around Temari's shoulders. Temari looked faintly alarmed.

"You really got him good, didn't you?" Ino laughed.

Temari finally broke her mask and cracked a smile. "He deserved it."

Shikamaru steamed, while Chouji struggled to continue eating his ice cream cone without vomiting.

It wasn't until Ino had led Temari away to the swings that Shikamaru remembered his master plan. He almost laughed out loud when he saw them talking amongst themselves and swinging beside each other.

"Soon I'll be rid of you, you damn harpy," he muttered to himself, chuckling in demented glee. Chouji looked at him strangely.

"Uh… Shikamaru?" he asked, sounding queasy, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Chouji," Shikamaru replied distractedly, staring intensely at the two girls as they laughed at something Ino said. Chouji, swallowing his revulsion, reached over and put his hand on Shikamaru's forehead, testing for a fever. Shikamaru slapped his hand away, annoyed.

On the other side of the playground, Temari and Ino were buying ice cream cones from the sidewalk vendor.

"See, I just don't get it, though," Ino queried. "What did Shikamaru do that was bad enough to make you bloody his nose?" She licked her vanilla ice cream, catching the drips.

Temari took her double-scoop chocolate cone from the vendor, nodding her thanks. She turned to Ino, and they began walking back to the swings. "He was being an ass," she said vaguely, shrugging. "That's all there is to it." In unison, the girls both bit the tops off of their ice cream mountains. They grinned at each other.

Shikamaru was surprised to see that his plan was working out better than he expected. He peered at the girls, who were joking and finishing off some ice cream. Then Temari, crunching the last bit of her cone, said something to Ino and walked in the direction of the restrooms. This was Shikamaru's chance!

Ino turned to follow her, but was stopped by Shikamaru's hand on her shoulder. "Shikamaru?" she asked. "What do you--"

"Hey, you and Temari are getting along pretty well, huh?" he interrupted her, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," Ino said, confused. "But what does that have to do with--"

"You know, I just had a thought," he said slowly, acting as if some great idea had just popped into his head. "Since you guys are just getting along splendidly, why don't you ask her to come stay at your house for a while?"

"What? But why--"

"You could get to know her better, and she would probably enjoy herself more with you than with me," he said in mock sorrow, shaking his head. "And I don't want her first stay in Konoha to be full of horrible memories of…well, _me._ And I'm sure she'd accept. She seems to like you a lot too. You guys could do tons of fun stuff together, like…like…"

"Like girl stuff?" Ino supplied eagerly.

"Yeah, girl stuff." Shikamaru agreed. "Whatever it is that you females do. I mean, you could talk about stuff, do makeovers, go out shopping--"

"Okay!" Ino exclaimed, her azure eyes shining. "You don't need to say anything else! I'll do it!"

"Great!" Shikamaru said, trying not to yelp with joy. "Wonderful. Oh, here she comes now! Don't forget, okay?"

"Don't worry, I won't," Ino said excitedly. Shikamaru hurried to walk away. He quickly turned and began idly playing with a leaf so Temari wouldn't know he had been talking with Ino. He heard Ino saying something enthusiastically to Temari. Then he heard silence on Temari's part. A cold shiver ran down his spine. If she said no…Shikamaru didn't know how he would survive, living with that evil beast. He heard Ino pleading. He waited…

Temari must've said yes, because all he heard was Ino's high-pitched shrieking. He turned to see Ino squeezing the life out of Temari, who looked slightly embarrassed, but was smiling wryly. Shikamaru felt relief rushing through his body like a flood of endorphins. He could've kissed Temari, he was so glad she said yes…He shook his head in disgust. She would probably just try to kill him. He dismissed pessimistic thoughts from his mind and walked over to the girls, behaving as if he didn't know what was going on.

"Hey, what's all the noise about?" he said irritably. Ino beamed.

"Temari's coming to stay with me!" she announced. "I'm coming with you guys to help get her things, and then she's coming home with me!" She gave another piercing squeal. Temari winced as Ino hugged her tighter.

"Finally, she's out of my hair," Shikamaru said. Temari grinned.

"And thank goodness for that," she said. "I was getting claustrophobic in there."

They smiled grimly at each other. They both still hated each other, but at the moment there was a silent agreement to a ceasefire between them. At least for the time being.

--

As it turned out, Ino ended up going to her own house first, and Temari and Shikamaru went on over to his. His parents were initially shocked by his injury (his mother was shocked, his father was amused) and after they got over it, he told his parents what was going on, and they had no problem with it.

Temari was in her room, packing up all her things, when Shikamaru strolled in. She stared at him as he looked around. Finally she said, "Can I help you?" in a not-too-helpful voice.

"Oh, no," he said distractedly. "Nothing you could help me with." He seemed to be thinking about something, then he suddenly turned and looked at Temari. "Are you packing all your things?"

"No," she replied. "Why?"

"No reason," he backed off. "I was just thinking, you might need all your things for that long stay at Ino's."

"I'm only staying for a few days," she said warily, inspecting his face. "What do you mean, 'long stay'?"

"I'm not saying anything. It's just that if the few days go by and you decide you want to stay a little longer, you should already have your stuff so you don't have to go back and forth." Shikamaru shrugged. "Do what you want." Having done what he came to do, he left the room, leaving Temari with a thoughtful look on her face.

She and Shikamaru were sitting outside when a sleek, expensive-looking car pulled up to the curb. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Showoff," he muttered. Temari stood up, not knowing what was going on. Then Ino stepped out of the back seat.

"Temari!" she exclaimed. "Where's your stuff? We need to put it in the car."

"That's your car?" Temari asked.

"Yup."

Temari nodded appreciatively, then turned to where all her things were stacked up outside the door. "Here's all my stuff. Shikamaru!" she yelled.

"Whaaaaat?" he said, sounding annoyed.

"Help us put my things in the car." She walked over to the pile and grabbed her toiletry bag.

"So you're taking all your stuff?" Shikamaru asked, unsuccessfully trying to hide the hope in his voice.

Temari smiled thinly. "Yeah. You had a pretty good idea, for once." She patted him on the back with enough force to knock him over, and walked over to the car. He was about to complain, until he remembered that in a few minutes he would be an only child again. He grinned happily and hefted Temari's extra fan over his shoulder.

Five minutes later Temari's belongings were in the trunk, the girls were in the car, and Shikamaru waved goodbye to his troubles for the last time.

_Finally! She's out of my life!_ Shikamaru thought gleefully, feeling the strange urge to dance a jig. _She's going to stay with Ino, and she'll end up staying there for her whole time in Konoha. I'll never have to fight with her again._

_I hope._

--

**A/N: Whew, that was a workout! I wrote this whole chapter in the last half-hour…it just started flowing. But one problem: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT. Ah, well. **

**But I can't worry about that right now. I'm getting tired. It's almost one in the morning. My five-sizes-too-big men's flannel shirt-turned-nightdress is nice and warm (even though I should probably put some pants on underneath **XD**) and my eyelids keep fluttering like broken Venetian blinds. Jeez, I'm saying crazy things now. Can you tell I'm tired yet? Lolz. If I don't go to bed soon I'm going to end up saying a lot of things I usually wouldn't say and telling all my secrets. **x.x **And I really don't want to spread my closet skeletons all over the interweb. That would NOT be pretty. So long, and goodnight. (That was My Chemical Romance for ya. Gotta love "Helena." Damn, **_**I**_** want people to dance at **_**my**_** funeral! Although I don't think I'd want to get up out of my coffin and disturb my rest just to dance. I'll stay dead, thank you very much.)**

**Okay, I'm talking craziness now…it is definitely time for me to go night-night. So I'll post this in the morning. G'night!**

**Love you guys! XOXOXO**

**P.S. By the way, the idea for Shikamaru getting punched in the nose comes from orangekattykat. If you lmao'ed, that's the one you should sue for the loss of your ass. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Chapter five of ShikaTem goodness! Oh, I love them so much it makes me want to dance. Unfortunately, I can't dance. So I'll do the Electric Slide instead (which doesn't require any dancing skill whatsoever). Well, that was a lie; I can do the salsa, the cha-cha, the waltz, a little bit of swing dancing, and some belly dancing. XD I should belly dance more. Maybe I'll get lucky and get my abs to show. Currently mine are hidden under almost an inch of fat (lolz). Okay, I know, WAY too much information. I'll stop now. Read, you rabies-infested ShikaTem fangirls/boys/things, read!**

**Disclaimer: NOT MY CHARACTERS, PLACES, OR MOVIES. DAMN. **

**--**

Temari let herself fall back on the big, soft bed. It was still sinking in that she wasn't going to have to deal with Shikamaru Pineapple-Head Lazy Kid anymore. Temari stretched luxuriously and curled up on the bed, giving a contented sigh.

As it turned out, Ino had a pretty awesome house, even by Temari's standards. She was used to living in a big house (she was pretty much royalty) but Ino's house would do very well. Very well indeed. Ino's bedroom alone was big enough to fit two queen-sized beds; a large desk cluttered with papers and a computer; a T.V. stand with a flat-screen television, DVD player, and satellite receiver; a couple of dresser drawers filled to the brim with clothing; and plenty of other junk that wouldn't fit in the description. Not to mention Ino's cat, a beautiful white Angora that was used to being spoiled.

Temari sat up when she heard Ino giggling maniacally. She looked over to see Ino whispering excitedly into the phone. Ino glanced over at Temari, who raised a questioning eyebrow. Ino simply shook her head and kept whispering, chortling uncontrollably as she said something to the person on the other line. Temari rolled her eyes and flopped back down on the bed, throwing her arm over her eyes. She wasn't going to worry about it.

Temari didn't even know she had fallen asleep until she woke up a couple of hours later at about six in the evening. She sat up in bed, seeing the beginning of the sun's descent out of the window. Looking around the bedroom and seeing that it was empty except for herself, Temari got up and decided to go exploring until she found someone. She stepped out into the hallway, looking left and right. Nothing. Walking down the hall to the right, she saw portraits up on the wall. Mostly of Ino, Daddy's little princess. Temari snorted. She had never been "Daddy's little princess." Just the "little princess." She went down the stairs to the ground level of the house. Nobody here. Where did they all go?

Then she heard movement in the kitchen. She walked in, looking around the expansive cooking area. There was Ino, arguing with her father over something.

"But Daddy," she exclaimed. "If you don't get some chips, what are they going to eat?"

"Well, you could try something healthy, like fruit or something," he told her. "I don't see why not. You're always going on fruit and vegetable diets."

"But this isn't health night, this is _junk_ night!" she argued. "No one wants to follow their diets at a--" Her father looked over her shoulder at Temari, and Ino whirled around, looking startled.

"Temari," she said, sounding guilty, "what are you doing up? I thought you were napping."

"I was," Temari replied. "And then I woke up. Is there a problem?" she asked, seeing the look on Ino's face.

"Oh, no, no problem," Ino hurriedly assured her. "No problem at all. You know, there's nothing interesting going on here, why don't you go watch a movie or something? I'm right behind you."

Temari raised her eyebrow, but didn't say anything. She wondered what Ino was hiding. "Okay," she said, turning to leave. Temari went into the living room, her mind racing. Well, if Ino was arguing about chips, it couldn't be anything potentially dangerous, so Temari decided that she would leave it alone and enjoy a movie. She grabbed "Sweeney Todd" and put it in the DVD player. She loved that movie. Johnny Depp was amazing, and the indifferent way he slit the throats of customers for Mrs. Lovett's meat pies made him even sexier than he already was. Temari sighed. She admired Sweeney Todd's ruthlessness.

Some time later, Sweeney was twirling Mrs. Lovett dangerously close to her own hot oven when the doorbell rang. Temari paused the movie, listening. She heard Ino's enthusiastic voice, joined by someone else's …several someone elses. Then she heard Ino shushing them and footsteps going upstairs. Temari ignored it. If she wasn't going to be a part of whatever Ino was cooking up, then so be it--

"Temari!" she heard Ino call. "Come up here!" Temari left the living room and started up the stairs. She paused at the closed door of Ino's bedroom, then opened it.

Inside were four girls, including Ino, wearing big smiles and toting various junk foods and miscellaneous game items. There were three large pizzas sitting in the middle of the sea of pillows that had been strewn about the floor. All of the girls were in their pajamas.

"Uh…what's going on here?" Temari asked cautiously, although she already had an idea of what was happening.

All the girls laughed. Ino pounced on Temari, hugging her and bringing her down to the floor. "Sleepover!" she yelled, whapping her with a pillow.

"Yeah!" the other girls shouted, starting a pillow fight amongst themselves. Temari escaped to a corner of the room to change into her pajamas. As she pulled on her shorts and a tank top, she for a brief moment considered opting out of the whole shebang. She didn't know any of the girls except for Ino, and she wasn't sure whether she could stand a whole night with them. But of course, she only considered it for a moment. Then she decided that while she was in Konoha, she might as well have fun and experience a completely cliché, stereotypical sleepover. She ran over to the other girls and joined right in, flinging pillows at them all.

--

A few minutes and some very rough pillow war later, the girls sat down around the pizza, ready to dig in. The pink-haired one reached for the box, but Ino stopped her.

"Hold on! Where are my manners?" she said. "Before we eat, I think there are some introductions needed here. Name yourselves."

The pinky glared at Ino, then turned to Temari. "I'm Sakura. And I'm better than Ino. You should be friends with me instead!" she said, smiling in a friendly way.

"O…kay?" Temari said, wondering if this was an ongoing feud between the two.

"They do this all the time," the next girl answered her unspoken question, grinning. The two buns on the top of her head made her look like a panda bear. "I'm TenTen. It's great to meet you."

The last girl looked shyly up at Temari with shocking silver-white eyes. "I-I'm Hinata," she said softly, ducking her head in embarrassment.

"Yes, that's her natural eye color," TenTen answered another unspoken question. "It's a family thing." Temari was starting to get a little creeped out by how TenTen kept answering questions Temari hadn't even asked.

"And who are you?" Sakura prompted. "I mean, we all know who you are (word travels fast here) but we'd like to hear it from you."

"Alright. Well, I'm Temari." There was a chorus of affirming noises. "I'm from Suna, as I'm sure you all know, and until this morning I was staying with the Nara family." They promptly began ravaging the food.

Sakura snorted. "With Shikamaru? You poor thing."

Temari laughed. "I'm sure that my staying there hurt him more than it hurt me. The poor kid probably gets enough shit from his mom without throwing me into the mix."

"Well, that isn't your fault, Temari," Ino assured her. "It's his problem if he can't handle it. Anyway," she said, turning to the group, "who's ready for some games?"

"First one to fall asleep gets pranked!" Sakura shouted randomly.

Temari smiled, but she felt her stomach starting to sink. She had been under the impression that they would eat and then go home. She sighed. It was going to be a long, long night.

--

And of course, as all totally hackneyed, utterly stereotypical sleepovers go, someone suggested Truth or Dare.

"Sounds good to me," Sakura said confidently, grinning smugly.

"She's good at this game," Ino whispered to Temari. "She's got a head full of evil ideas, and there's nothing that she herself won't do."

"Mm," Temari said absently. She wanted to go to bed. Playing Truth or Dare with a group of strange girls was _not _in her job description. And she just wasn't sure what they would dish up.

"Rules!" TenTen chimed in. "If you skip out on a dare, that's one chicken. Three chickens and everyone gets to punch you."

"Why do you have to be so violent?" Sakura interrupted.

"Oh, please, you're meaner than I am," TenTen argued.

Sakura cleared her throat and ignored her. "Anyway, I say that if you get three chickens, you automatically forfeit the game. And losers get pranked, so that's something I wouldn't suggest."

"_Anyway_," TenTen said, glaring at Sakura, "If you pick truth, you _have_ to tell the truth. We'll know if you're lying. Well, Temari, since we don't know you that well we probably won't know whether you're telling the truth, but it makes it more fun if you do."

Hinata spoke up, surprising Temari. "A-and don't forget the r-rules about s-s-safety," she said softly.

"Oh, right," TenTen said. "Thanks, Hinata." The girl blushed. "When you're daring someone, you can't tell them to do something that could seriously harm or injure them or another person," TenTen said, sounding like a textbook. "For example, nothing that could potentially injure or kill someone."

"So nobody dare Sakura to streak down the street, she'll blind someone," Ino sniggered. Sakura glared at her.

"Oh, look who's talking, Ino-Pig!" Sakura scoffed.

"At least _I've_ got curves, flat chest!" Ino said, flipping her hair.

"Curves? Oh please, bitch. You look like an eight-year-old girl!"

"Oh, right, your forehead counts as a curve, doesn't it?" Ino squealed as Sakura whopped her over the head with a pillow. Ino grabbed another and walloped her in the back. TenTen stepped in and separated them before someone got hurt.

"Hey, hey, we're trying to play a game here!" she said firmly, snatching away both of their pillows. The two glared at each other, then sat down.

"Wow," Temari said, snickering. "And you two are friends?"

"Best friends," Sakura corrected. Temari raised her eyebrows, then shook her head and sighed as if she was washing her hands of it.

"Did I forget anything when it comes to the rules?" TenTen changed the topic. The girls looked at each other, then shook their heads. "Alright then, let's play," TenTen announced. She pulled out a bottle and set it in the middle of the circle.

"Uh, I thought we were playing Truth or Dare, not Spin the Bottle," Temari said cautiously.

"Oh, no!" TenTen laughed. "This is just how we pick the players. No kissing here." **(A/N: Sorry, yuri fans!) **She spun the bottle quickly. They all watched as it landed on…Ino. "Alright, we've got the darer!" TenTen spun it again. And it landed on Sakura. "And there's the taker," TenTen said, sitting back on her haunches. "Go for it."

"Truth or dare?"

"What do you take me for?" Sakura scoffed. "Dare, of course."

Ino thought for a moment. Then she grinned and said, "I dare you to go to the phone, call Naruto, confess your undying love for him and beg him to go on a date with you. And it has to be convincing."

Sakura faltered for a second, and asked, "Right now?"

"Right now. You're a good actress, Sakura. You act like a normal person," Ino smirked. "So go ahead."

Temari looked over and saw the poorly-masked stricken expression on Hinata's face. She suspected something was amiss here. TenTen saw it too, and quickly whispered something to Ino.

Ino laughed. "Sakura, if you don't want to call Naruto, then I've got a better idea. Do the same dare, only with your favorite raven-haired beauty," she said dramatically.

"Sasuke?" she said excitedly.

"No, bitch, Rock Lee," Ino replied meanly. She snickered. Sakura didn't move. "Well?" Ino asked. "Are you gonna do it, or is that a chicken?"

Sakura swallowed, then slowly walked to the phone. She picked it up and dialed a number, then held it to her ear. The others leaned forward so they could hear.

"Hello?" she said. "Lee? Yes, this is Sakura." She held the phone away from her ear, and they could all hear him shouting excitedly. "Okay, Lee, there's…there's something I need to tell you." A pause, and then, "I, uh…I've always loved you." She nearly dropped the phone because of the ecstatic yelling pouring from the earpiece. "Yeah, uh, Lee? Lee!" He quieted down a bit so she could talk. "I was calling to ask you if…" Sakura glanced at Ino who mouthed the word 'beg.

"I mean, I was calling to beg you to go out with me," she muttered darkly.

"You're not sounding very in love," Ino said with mock sternness. She wagged her finger at Sakura, who scowled and repeated with fake brightness, "I really, _really_ would love it if you would go out with me." Then she hung up the phone on Lee, who was almost breathless with joy. Almost.

Sakura sat back down. Ino clapped her on the back. "Good job," she snickered. "I sure wish I was as good of an actress as you."

"Your time is coming, Ino," Sakura muttered. "Oh, your time is coming."

TenTen cleared her throat. "Alright, girls, next round." She spun the bottle, and it landed on Hinata. "Great, so Hinata's the darer." She spun it again, and it landed on…Temari.

Temari almost breathed a sigh of relief. She had no problem doing embarrassing things, but she was sure Hinata would go easy on her.

"Okay, Hinata, let's do this," Temari said, smiling. "Whatcha got?"

Sakura harrumphed. "Oh, so the new girl gets the easy darer. And I got Ino."

"Aw, shut up, Sakura," Ino scoffed. "You're the one who insisted we play in the first place. And besides, it's the luck of the draw. Temari just happened to get Hinata."

"Whatever. Just go," Sakura said. "But I'm sure Hinata will give her something easier than what I had to do."

"We don't even know whether she's going to pick dare or not," Ino said. "Stop being bitchy."

Hinata bit her lip. "T-truth or dare?" she asked timidly.

Temari smirked. "Dare," she replied, smug. She was sure that it wouldn't be bad.

"Um…I d-dare you to…to…go out the w-w-window, climb d-down the tree, and come back in the f-front door," Hinata said.

"Piece of cake," Temari said, grinning.

Hinata said something else. "Speak up? I can't hear you," Temari told her.

Hinata took a breath. "I s-said, in y-your underwear."

There was silence, and Temari's smile froze in place. Ino gaped, Sakura covered her mouth, and TenTen just looked stunned.

"Uh…well," Ino said, still in shock. "She sure showed us, huh?"

"Temari?" TenTen asked. "You gonna do it?"

Temari cleared her throat, then said, "Yeah. Yeah, I'm going for it." She stood and walked over to the window, pulling off her shirt. "Good thing I'm sexy, huh?" she joked, wiggling out of her shorts and opening the window. A warm breeze wafted past her face, ruffling her straw-blonde hair. "At least it's warm," she said thankfully, throwing one leg over the windowsill.

"You're actually going to do it?" Ino asked in awe.

"It's almost ten-thirty," Temari pointed out. "Who's going to see? All I know is, someone better be waiting for me at the door." She put both legs outside so she was sitting on the windowsill, then stepped out onto a thick branch of the large tree that brushed up against the side of the house. In her black underwire bra (for extra support) and matching bikini-cut panties (for extra comfort), she felt her way down the tree trunk, gripping tightly. The rough bark scraped her belly and thighs, but not enough to bleed. Temari ignored it and finally felt her feet touch the damp grass. "I'm so glad that's over," she murmured, trotting to the front door, looking around to make sure no one was watching. The neighborhood was asleep, thank goodness.

Coming around the side of the house, Temari saw a shadow on the sidewalk, cast by the yellow porch light. _I'm surprised they actually sent someone down to wait for me,_ she thought happily. Then she came all the way around to the front.

"Holy _shit!_" Temari's blood ran cold. "Shikamaru?!"

He looked just as horrified as she did. Clutching at a bag in his hands, he tried to figure out where to put his eyes, glancing back and forth between her body and her face. Finally he settled for closing his eyes completely and putting his face in his free hand.

"Oh, for the love of…" he began. "Why does this always happen to me?!"

"You? _You?!_" Temari shouted, suddenly enraged. "Have you noticed that _I'm_ the one standing here in the middle of the yard in my _underwear_, no less, in the middle of the night because of some fucking dare? And you, of all people, _you _have to show up and actually see me! And you have the _nerve_ to ask why this always happens to _you?!"_

A light went on in the window of the house across the street.

Trying desperately to take his feeble male mind off the fact that she was basically naked and fumbling for something to say that wouldn't make her attack him, Shikamaru said with forced cheer, "Well, at least things can't get any worse, huh?"

And then the sprinklers came on.

Temari stood there, frozen in place, the cold water raising goosebumps on her bare skin, her face turning red, then going dangerously close to purple, then going pale.

Shikamaru stood there, frozen in place, the look on Temari's technicolored face raising goosebumps on his skin, his own face showing emotions such as fear, shock, anxiety…and fear.

At that moment the front door swung open and the rest of the girls spilled out from where they had been watching the whole exchange through the door's window. Temari and Shikamaru both turned to look at them as they stood and dusted themselves off, laughing nervously.

Temari's glare silenced them, until TenTen spoke up and said, "Ino turned on the sprinklers!"

"It was my dare!" Ino defended earnestly. "Besides, it was all Sakura's idea."

Looking for a way to take the blame off of herself, Sakura said, "Yeah, but you wouldn't have been out here in the first place if Hinata hadn't given you _your_ dare!"

Hinata simply turned scarlet and covered her face, running back inside.

"Now look what you did!" TenTen accused Sakura, pointing her finger.

"Me?! You're the one who started the blame game!" she countered.

Temari, who was simply sick of the whole night, turned and silently shouldered past them into the house. They winced at the freezing gust as she stalked by, then turned and looked at Shikamaru. He looked helplessly at the bag in his hands, and then thrust it at Ino. "It's for Temari," he said hurriedly by way of explanation, then turned and nearly fled from the scene.

Ino, Sakura, and TenTen looked at each other, then went in the house.

--

Temari stood in front of the bathroom mirror, appalled by her reflection in the mirror. Leaves and twigs adorned her already-uncontrollable hair, red welts ran down the front of her torso and legs (from sliding down the tree), and she was soaked head to toe. For a moment she felt a wave of anxiety as she realized that Shikamaru had actually seen her like this.

Then she shook her head violently to clear her mind. _That doesn't matter!_ she told herself, frowning. _It's not like you're here to please him, Temari. He'll just have to deal with it._ Picking shrubbery out of her hair, she turned on the shower as hot as it could go and stepped in.

--

When she returned to the room some time later, it seemed as if all the girls had reconciled their differences; they were all sitting around the television, watching "The Notebook." (Which, as we all know, is vital to an utterly feminine sleepover. You always need a chick flick.) They glanced over as she came in, freshly laundered.

Ino jumped up. "Oh, Temari, I'm so sorry about all that," she said pleadingly, hugging her. "You aren't mad, are you? Please don't be mad. We were just trying to have fun and I know it didn't turn out--"

"I'm not mad," Temari replied, easing out of her embrace. "Just tired." And suddenly, she did feel overwhelmingly tired.

Ino breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad you aren't upset," she said. "You're sure you don't want to stay up and watch the movie? We've got chips," she tempted, waving the bag in front of her.

Temari chuckled wearily. "Keep the chips. I'm going to bed." She somehow made it to the bed before she collapsed.

Just then Ino added, "And don't be mad at Shikamaru, okay? It wasn't his fault. Actually, he brought something for you…" But Temari was already asleep.

--

**A/N: Damn, that was a long chapter, for me at least. I like to do shorter ones and then not update for a long time, just to keep you guys on edge. XD No, just kidding. But seriously, it was freakin' long. Took me two days. Anyway, that whole sleepover thing was my political statement **_**against**_ **the way overused sleepover story. I'm so tired of reading fic after fic with "all the girls having a sleepover and playing truth or dare!" Could you tell I was being uber sarcastic? Well, it served its purpose in my story. You guys wanted more of the "shower scene" type chapters; how else was I going to get Temari and Shikamaru in another awkward situation? Okay, I know there's **_**lots**_** of awkward situations I could've used, but this one seemed right. And don't Temari's undergarments sound comfy? I would wear them. :P **

**Why do I write such long author's notes? This one's ending, though, because I've got a yummy grapefruit sitting here on my bed, just waiting for me to eat it, and I promised myself that I could eat it as soon as I finished this chapter (I needed an incentive XD). It's calling me….Uh…I need to go now. Bye.**

**Love to all! XOXOXO**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So far, this story's been pretty well liked. Let's keep it going. Chapter six!**

**Disclaimer: "Naruto" is totally mine. . Stupid wishful thinking. It's not.**

**--**

Temari woke to the sound of snoring. It sounded like a chainsaw hacking away at a tree trunk. She rubbed her eyes and groaned, not pleased with the rude awakening. Sitting up, she turned around and jumped, startled. Ino was right beside her, sound asleep, and making more noise than a construction crew. As if in recognition of Temari being awake, she gave an especially loud snort. Temari frowned and poked her in the cheek. Ino scrunched her face up and kept on snoring. Then Temari held Ino's nose and mouth closed. It took a few moments before Ino's body alerted her brain that there was no oxygen coming in, and she sat up, gasping for breath.

"What was that for?" she demanded, glaring at Temari.

"You were snoring," Temari replied simply.

"I don't snore."

"Yeah, you do."

"Oh." Ino looked thoughtful, then said cheerfully, "Well, good morning! What do you think we should have for breakfast?"

"I don't know," Temari answered, shrugging as if to say, "How should I know?"

Ino hemmed and said, "Let's wake up everyone else and see what they say. No! Never mind. I'll make something and they'll just have to eat it. Otherwise they'll just argue and argue…" She flung back the covers and stepped out of bed, stretching. Temari could hear her bones cracking. Finally she said, "Alright, let's go downstairs and make breakfast. You'll help, right?"

"I don't know…"

"We'll make cinnamon rolls," Ino said appealingly.

"From scratch?" Temari asked in horror. Baking delicious things from scratch is never a good thing. It takes forever, and the entire time your stomach is gnawing away at itself because the smell alone drives you crazy. She knew this from experience. Lots of experience.

Ino gave her a look. "No way! You must be crazy if you think I'm baking cinnamon rolls from scratch. No, we're using pre-made, ready-to-bake refrigerated cinnamon rolls. With icing."

The last sentence made up Temari's mind. She leapt from the bed and ran past Ino, saying, "Race you downstairs!"

In the kitchen, after their little impromptu race (which Temari inevitably won), Ino said, "You must really love sugar, huh?"

"Actually, I'm usually not that big on sugary stuff," she responded, opening the refrigerator and taking out the cans of dough. "It's just that right about now, my tastes change, I get strange cravings…" she hinted.

"Ah," Ino said. "Yeah, mine's late so far. It's so irregular, like a little nightmare surprise."

"I've never heard it put that way before," Temari said, looking at Ino strangely, "but yeah, that's what it is." She opened up the cans. Ino opened a cabinet and pulled out a non-stick cookie sheet. She put it down on the counter, and they both began placing the cinnamon rounds on the cookie sheet. "Usually I'm dumping hot sauce on all my food, but when period week rolls around, you never know what you're gonna get," Temari told Ino, shaking her head.

They worked in companionable silence after that, putting the cinnamon rolls in the oven and grabbing other various breakfast items. Ino noticed as she was setting the table that Temari was humming. She put her hands on her hips and watched Temari as she retrieved the juice from the fridge. "That's weird. Your period puts you in a good mood," Ino commented, smiling.

Temari paused, carton of orange juice in her hand. "No, it's not that…I guess I'm just in a generally good mood today."

"So you really aren't upset about last night?" Ino asked, a touch of anxiety creeping into her voice.

Temari rolled her eyes and walked over. She set the carton down on the table and looked at Ino sternly. "Look, I already said I'm not mad, okay? I'm fine! It's not like some major tragedy occurred or anything."

Ino let out a sigh of relief. "Well, that's good. I thought you were going to end up hating all of us and not wanting to stay another minute. I know I wouldn't. That was humiliating."

Temari let out a short laugh. "It wasn't_ that_ bad," she said, shrugging. "I mean, yeah, Shikamaru got a shock, but that's about it. As a matter of fact, it's kind of funny now. The look on his face! I looked like some stripper forest monster. What'd he do when I left?"

Ino laughed. "He ran. Oh, wait, but before he left, he gave me--" A smell reached her nose. "Is something burning?"

Temari ran for the oven. "Shit! The cinnamon rolls!" She opened the oven and pulled out the sheet of rolls with a dishrag she had grabbed from the counter. She set down the rolls and then put them into a plate, arranging them into a sticky circle. When she finished, Temari exhaled and leaned back against the counter. "Just saved them," she muttered. "One more minute and they would've been charcoal briquettes."

Ino clapped her on the back and laughed, picking up the plate. "You've really got a savior complex, you know that?" Shikamaru's bag forgotten, she put the plate on the table and grabbed the icing container.

"When are they going to wake up?" Temari wondered.

Ino laughed and drizzled icing over the steaming rolls. "They could probably sleep until noon. Especially Sakura, lazy-ass forehead girl. She'd lay around all day if she could. I'll go wake them up." She finished with the icing and trotted upstairs. Temari chuckled and sat down at the table, snatching a cinnamon roll from the plate. Leaning the chair backwards with her foot, she sighed happily as she took a gooey bite. Mmm, delicious. That definitely just fulfilled her sugar craving.

As the bite was melting in her mouth, the other girls came downstairs, rubbing their eyes and bitching about how early it was. Then they saw the cinnamon rolls, and their faces lit up. Sitting down around the table, they chatted noisily as they grabbed up the pastries.

"Temari, did you make these?" TenTen asked. She took a giant bite and made an appreciative noise. "They taste like homemade!" she said around the food in her mouth.

"That's because we made them from scratch," Temari said smoothly, grinning at Ino. "We slaved all morning while you slackers were wasting daylight."

Hinata gasped. "I'm sorry! I-I would have w-woken up if I knew, I p-promise!"

"Stop apologizing, Hinata," Sakura ordered. "There's no way these are made from scratch. Ino doesn't cook."

"Fine, I guess you caught me," Ino said, rolling her eyes. "But no matter how we made them, you're still stuffing your face."

"Am not," Sakura said, her mouth completely full.

"Sure, whatever," Ino snickered. "But I was just wondering…are you still on that diet?"

Sakura gasped, and started choking on the cinnamon roll. TenTen whopped her on the back, and a big glob of partially chewed cinnamon roll flew onto the plate. Sakura took in a giant breath of air and yelled, "You sabotaged me!" She reached across the table for Ino, flailing away to try and grab her hair, her face, anything. Ino laughed so hard she fell backwards in her chair and landed on the floor, holding her stomach. Hinata covered her mouth as her eyes widened. TenTen held Sakura back as best she could, and Temari just raised an eyebrow and watched the whole spectacle. It was some show. That is, until Ino's dad came downstairs, bleary-eyed and stubbly-chinned.

"What is going on down here?" he asked gruffly, holding on to the banister and blinking hard.

The girls instantly straightened up. Sakura sat back in her chair and put her hands in her lap, while Ino struggled to get off the floor. She sat down and put on a brilliant smile.

"Nothing, Daddy," she said brightly. "We're just finishing up breakfast. Our sugary, oily," she continued while Sakura looked daggers at her, "fattening, calorie-laden breakfast. Sorry if we woke you. We'll be quiet, I promise."

He looked at her strangely, then shook his head. "Whatever. You do what you like, but I wash my hands of this. If anything happens, you're cleaning it up. And I'm going back to sleep. You'd better hope for your sake that I don't wake up again." He went back up the stairs, yawning. The girls looked after him, following him with their eyes in silence.

As soon as he was gone, Sakura leapt over the table, reaching for Ino's throat. Ino yelped and scrambled backwards, falling over again. Sakura was inches away from strangling her when TenTen yanked her back over the table by her shirt.

"Will you two just _stop?!_" she whispered loudly, glaring at them both. "I don't know about you, but I don't want to see him angry. If you want to fight, let's get dressed and leave the house. You can do whatever you want to each other once we're outside."

Ino and Sakura scowled at each other, but didn't go at each other again. TenTen exhaled and rubbed her temples. "You two are going to give me an ulcer."

--

Once they were all showered and dressed they headed for the "wishing well" (a fountain that stood near the center of town), where Hinata knew of a guy who sold snow cones and lemonade. It was another scorcher, and they definitely needed it.

"There's lime flavored snow cones!" Ino said excitedly as they stood in front of the cart, placing their orders. They each got a different color, and as they sat on the edge of the fountain, TenTen pointed out that the carnival was setting up rides.

"They come every summer," she told Temari. "The carnival opens next week."

"Well, I've still got a while to go before I leave, so I'll be here," Temari responded, crunching blue ice between her teeth. She finished before everyone else, and stood up, stretching. "I'm gonna go look around," she said, walking off towards the future carnival.

She was standing under the ferris wheel, looking up admiringly at how big it was when someone called her name. She turned around and saw Shikamaru walking towards her. The last thing she felt like doing was talking to him. _I told Ino that I wasn't upset, but I just realized that I am,_ she thought scornfully, shaking her head. Even so, she stood her ground as Shikamaru came up to her.

_He's just as uncomfortable as I am, if not more,_ Temari noticed, seeing how he avoided looking directly at her and shifted from foot to foot. But that didn't generate any sympathy for him on Temari's part. "Yeah?" she asked, putting a hand on her hip.

"I was just gonna ask if you made a decision yet. My mom wanted to know." He ran a hand over his hair.

"Made a decision? For what?"

He looked confused. "Didn't you get the bag? You should have--"

"No, I didn't get any bag," she mocked, suddenly and unreasonably irritated. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"What? I gave it to Ino, so--"

"Well, Ino didn't give it to me, whatever it was," Temari snapped. "If I didn't get it, it must not have been that important. Stop bothering me."

"No, I mean…Argh!" Shikamaru exclaimed, exasperated. "You don't understand! Will you just listen--"

"You're right, I don't understand," Temari retorted, turning to leave. "And no, I won't listen to you, because I have no idea what you're talking about. Have a nice day," she said sharply as she walked away, leaving poor Shikamaru very confused and very frustrated.

When she got back to the fountain, where everyone else was just finishing their snow cones, she sat down hard and tapped her foot loudly. Ino noticed something was amiss.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, looking curiously at Temari. "You look like you're ready to haul off and slap someone."

Temari glanced at her, then noticed that she was frowning. With some difficulty, she relaxed her facial muscles and rearranged them into an unconvincing smile. "No, I'm fine," she lied, smiling tightly at Ino. "Nothing wrong here."

Ino rolled her eyes. "You forget, I'm the queen of being convincing," she scolded Temari. "Now, what happened? You need to take some Midol or something?"

"Please, Midol is for babies," Temari said dismissively. "I take Tylenol, thank you very much. And anyway, it has nothing to do with that." She thought for a moment, then asked, "Ino, was there something you were supposed to give me? A bag or something?"

Ino gasped in horror, clapping her hands over her mouth. "Oh no!" she exclaimed, jumping up. "How could I forget? That's the whole reason why Shikamaru came over! We have to go get it right now!" She grabbed Temari's hand and yanked her from her seat, pausing just long enough to say, "You guys, we have to get something. You do whatever you want from here," and pulling Temari after her as she raced homewards.

When they arrived in Ino's room, panting for breath and sweating (well, Ino was sweating; Temari was from Suna), Ino went over to her desk and picked up a bag. She handed it to Temari, apologizing for forgetting.

"No, it's okay," Temari told her, opening the bag and pulling out what was inside. Confused, she held up a small, sealed terrarium, with some rocks and a little water inside. "What's this supposed to be?" she asked, puzzled. Ino shrugged, holding up her hands.

Then Temari saw one of the rocks move. She gasped as she realized that she was looking at a baby turtle. He tottered weakly, trying to take a step before he fell back down.

"Oh my god," Temari said, astonished. "Ino, did you know about this?"

"No, I had no idea!" she replied, peering at the turtle. "Aw, look at him. He can't even walk, he's so young."

"Ino, turtles can walk as soon as they hatch," Temari said, worried. "I think the problem is he needs something to eat. Do you have any lettuce or anything?" She took the vented top off of the box, looking inside.

"We've got some romaine in the fridge," Ino said quickly, already halfway out the door. "I'll bring him some." When she left, Temari laid on her bed on her stomach, putting the terrarium in front of her. She watched the baby turtle as he wobbled, still trying to move. _He's so cute,_ Temari thought, smiling. Then it hit her. _Holy crap! This is what Shikamaru brought for me?!_ The thought sent her reeling. A wave of guilt washed over her as she replayed their earlier conversation through her head. Then she thought of something. _What did he mean, did I make a decision?_ Looking back into the bag, she saw a small envelope. She picked it up and opened it. It held a little greeting card. Inside, in flowing handwriting, it said: "Dear Temari,

"I know you're having a great time at Ino's house (I figured you two would get along splendidly) and that you're probably not even thinking about us, but we were thinking of you. I've started to miss you around the house, and I was wondering if you'd come back to stay with us after this week is up. I know we don't know each other very well, but I enjoyed having you with us, and I hope you'll come back. With love, Mrs. Nara"

Temari felt absolutely mortified. She had no idea that Shikamaru's mom had liked her that much. And what did she do? She left them to go stay with someone else, and was rude to Shikamaru to boot. Her conscience was killing her.

Just then Ino burst back into the room, holding a plate half full of bite-sized pieces of lettuce. "I cut them up into pieces so he could eat them better," she informed Temari, putting the plate down on the bed.

"Uh, you really didn't have to do that," Temari said.

"I know. That's what makes me so nice," Ino grinned.

Temari reached into the terrarium and gently picked up the turtle. He fit perfectly into the palm of her hand. She lifted him out and, picking up a piece of lettuce with her other hand, put it under his nose. He didn't move at first, but then he smelled the food. He reached out his neck and took a bite, tearing off half of the piece. Temari looked up at Ino and smiled. "Well, he's definitely alive," she said.

"I think he'll do fine," Ino replied, smiling back. When they looked back down, the lettuce was gone. "Wow, that was fast," Ino said, wrinkling her brow. "Did he really eat all of that?"

"Let's see," Temari said as she put some more lettuce next to him. They watched in amazement as he gobbled it down in record speed. They kept feeding him, and before long, the lettuce was all gone.

"There's no way that something that small ate all of that," Ino said in disbelief.

"It's crazy. Like a magic trick," Temari laughed. "Oh well. He's just got a healthy appetite, that's all."

"So what are you going to name him?" Ino asked. Temari looked up questioningly. "Well, you've got to give him a name," Ino told her. "He's yours now."

Temari looked at the little turtle in her hand. She stroked his back. "I'll name him…"

--

**A/N: Muahahaha! Now you'll never know! No, I'm just kidding. You'll find out next chapter. The real reason I cut it off like that was because I couldn't think of a name for him. ; Anybody out there got a good name for the cute li'l turtle? By the way, the turtle idea was from usagiki1234 (who actually requested the fic, if you didn't remember). But seriously, gimme some name ideas. I'm stumped.**

**And damn Temari, why do you have to be so mean to poor Shikamaru? I mean, yeah, he's a pain in the gluteus maximus, but he's SEXY! Doesn't that count for something?! Gawsh. If I had the chance to be that close to him, I sure wouldn't be yelling. My mouth would be otherwise engaged. Interpret that however you'd like. :P**

**(I'd be kissing him, you pervs. You're sick, every last one of you!) XD Anyway, see you next chapter.**

**Love you, dears! XOXOXO**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: It's 12:12 am. For those of you who can't tell time, that means it's right after midnight. So why am I starting a new chapter now, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Because I can, that's why. So deal with it. Now read, slaves, read! (Lol, you're all my slaves. Why does that sound slightly X-rated to me? Omg, if you guys were all my sex slaves, that would be freakin' hilarious. Okay, I'm officially your lady pimp. XD) WAY off topic there…**

**Disclaimer: Characters (excluding turtle ) belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Bleh.**

**--**

Temari shuffled her feet nervously. In her apprehension she unconsciously gripped the turtle in her hands tighter, and he responded by nipping her thumb. She raised her hand for the third time to ring the doorbell, but just couldn't do it. She let her arm drop by her side, and sighed disgustedly at her own hesitation. What was she so worried about? Temari adjusted the bags at her feet, full of her belongings. For the last time, she positioned her hand to ring the doorbell. She was almost there when the door suddenly swung inward, revealing a surprised Shikamaru standing there.

"What are you doing here?" he asked warily, eyeing the bags.

Same old clueless Shikamaru. Temari rolled her eyes, apprehension gone. "What's it look like? I'm moving back in, stupid." If her eyes had been a little bit weaker, she wouldn't have noticed him stifling a smile and struggling to keep his nonchalant demeanor.

"I guess you might as well come in," he said, backing away and holding the door open. She walked in, stroking the turtle's head.

"Well?" she asked meaningfully. Shikamaru looked confused.

"Well, what?"

"Well, aren't you going to get my bags?" she said, jerking her head at the luggage outside the door.

He exhaled exasperatedly and trudged out the door. Temari grinned. Everything was back to normal.

--

When he had finished, Shikamaru closed the front door behind him. He and Temari stood alone in the cool, dim foyer. There was an awkward silence as neither of them knew what to say. Then Shikamaru began: "So, what'd you name him?"

Glad that he spoke first, Temari replied, "Oh, I named him Shika because you gave him to me."

Shikamaru looked stricken. "No, no," he said hurriedly, urgently, holding his hands out in front of him, "it was all my mother's idea. I had nothing to do with it."

"Oh," Temari said, trying to hide the sudden feeling of disappointment from showing through her voice. Then she said with forced lightness, "Well, it doesn't matter, since I call him Snippet anyway."

"Oh," Shikamaru replied, hiding his own unexpected frustration. "Snippet?"

"He eats so fast that he nips your fingers. And I just think he likes to do it; he bit me earlier."

"Can I hold him?" Shikamaru asked, holding out his hand. Temari reluctantly relinquished her hold on Snippet and handed him to Shikamaru, who cupped his hand around the turtle and petted his patterned shell. Then he yelled as Snippet took a bite of his ring finger.

"Shit!" Shikamaru cursed, nearly dropping the pet. Temari jumped in and took Snippet back, snickering at Shikamaru, who was shaking his hand.

"Guess he just doesn't like you," she suggested. "Here, let me take a look at that." After setting Snippet gently on the floor, she took his hand in hers, and he let her. He noted that she had surprisingly soft hands to be such a tough person.

"It's bleeding," she announced. "Hold on a second." She turned away from Shikamaru and began rummaging around in one of her bags. After a moment she came back with an alcohol wipe and a Band-Aid. Temari promptly began swabbing the cut. Shikamaru gasped.

"It burns," he complained.

"Stop being a crybaby," she admonished. "See, I'm done now." She stuck the band-aid on his finger, and stepped back. Hands on hips, she said, "Look, good as new."

Shikamaru examined the injured finger, then glanced suspiciously back at Temari. "What'd you do that for?" he demanded. "I thought we agreed on being enemies."

"I never agreed on anything," Temari defended, harrumphing. "And anyway, if I hadn't done something, you wouldn't have had your ring finger. And you'll need it if you ever want to, you know, get married or something."

Shikamaru opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it and shut it again. Temari wouldn't let him go that easily, though, and she said, "What? What were you going to say?"

"Nothing."

"Liar. What were you going to say?"

"I was just going to say that I'm never getting married," he replied, shrugging and slapping on his reliable scowl. "After living with my mother _and_ you? You must be crazy if you think I'll spend the rest of my life with a woman. How troublesome."

"Oh, come _on!_" Temari said, rolling her eyes. "You know you want to get married someday, to some nice woman, and have lots of little babies running around and pulling your hair…"

"Yeah, a _nice _woman," Shikamaru retorted. "Not some homicidal monster--" He ducked as Temari took a swipe at his head. "--who's always trying to hurt me. You know, you really aren't helping your case by hitting at me." She aimed for his stomach. This time, she didn't miss. Shikamaru groaned and doubled over. When he caught his breath, he grumbled, "This is why I would _never _marry someone like you. I hope you realize that."

"The feeling's mutual, kid," Temari said, putting her hands on her hips and emotionlessly watching him rub his sore torso. "I'd never marry someone like you, either. I need a _real_ man. Someone who can take a punch without whining like a baby." She snickered maliciously as he glared at her.

"Well, I need someone who can actually be _feminine,_" Shikamaru informed her. "Instead of being all buff and manly."

"Well, I need someone who knows how to take charge of the situation so I don't have to," Temari countered, getting in his face. "If I had someone who could do that, I wouldn't _need_ to act like a girly-girl because I'd look feminine next to him."

"If I had someone who actually acted their gender, I wouldn't need to act like some macho guy because I'd look super masculine next to her."

Temari narrowed her eyes. "Are you saying I act like a man?"

"Well, I don't see you cooking or cleaning," Shikamaru shrugged, raising an eyebrow.

There was a long silence. Shikamaru didn't figure out that he'd said something wrong until he saw Temari's jaw clenching.

"What?" he complained. "That's what's wrong with you. You're always getting mad about something."

"You are so _fucking sexist!_" Temari exploded, the foyer ringing with the sound. "What is _with_ you?!"

"Hey, don't get mad at me just because I approve of traditional family roles," Shikamaru sniffed.

"In case you didn't notice, this is the twenty-first century," Temari said, her voice oozing sarcasm. "Nowadays there's such a thing as women's rights. As in, we can go to work and school and everything? You know what I'm talking about?"

"I know exactly what you're talking about," Shikamaru said irritably. "And I don't care what you say, I still think a woman's place is in the kitchen!"

"Oh, you're quite a catch," she said sardonically. "I can see your happy marriage now: 'You, female! The floors need to be scrubbed, my pants need to be ironed, my shoes need to be spit-shined, and the baby needs to be changed. And I need my dinner on the table now!'"

"Stop exaggerating," Shikamaru said condescendingly. "You're making it such a big deal."

"No, you are," Temari countered. "It wouldn't be a big deal if you would just admit that I'm right and you're wrong, and that's all there is to it."

"You're out of your _mind _if you think I'm going to give in to you!" Shikamaru exclaimed. "You…you…_radical!_"

"If you weren't living in the past, you'd know that it's quite commonplace for men to give in to women," Temari said disdainfully, shooting him a scornful look as she swept by on her way to the guest room. "Maybe you should upgrade to the present, Shikamaru." The door shut behind her.

Shikamaru stood alone for a moment, fuming, then let out a loud frustrated cry and stomped upstairs to his room.

--

About half an hour, Temari opened the door of the guest room and stuck out her head, looking around to see if the way was clear. Not seeing anyone, she stepped out and headed for the kitchen. She needed something sweet to calm her down.

It wasn't until she was fishing a popsicle from the freezer that she realized she hadn't seen the parents. She stood up, closed the freezer door, and turned around to see Shikamaru just stepping into the kitchen. He saw her at the same moment that she saw him. Their eyes met briefly, then they both looked away.

Neither of them said a word. _What's with all the awkward silences today?_ Temari thought, irritated. "So…where are your parents?" she asked.

At first he didn't say anything, and Temari thought that he wasn't even going to answer her. Then he said, "They went to get some groceries. I wasn't…they weren't expecting you to come today."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

They both got quiet, having no idea what to say next. Temari quickly but silently finished off her lemonade ice pop, intentionally not looking at Shikamaru. Suddenly he said, "You wanna watch a movie?"

Temari, surprised, looked up and saw in his eyes that he sincerely wanted to make up. Tossing the popsicle stick in the trash, she said, "Sure. What're we watching?"

--

Shikamaru had wanted to watch "Batman Begins," but Temari forced him into watching "The Phantom Of The Opera." He sunk down in the sofa's deep cushions and crossed his arms as Temari put in the DVD.

"This looks so dumb," Shikamaru commented, rolling his eyes.

"You haven't seen it before?" Temari asked.

"No."

"Then why do you have the movie?" she inquired sensibly.

Shikamaru thought for a minute, then shrugged. "I have no idea."

"Well, it's a really good movie," Temari told him, plopping down on the sofa, carefully sitting a full cushion space away. "You'll like it, trust me."

"Whatever," he muttered. "I don't do the whole song and dance thing."

"Just go into this with an open mind," Temari said, pressing the play button. The movie began with an old-timey city scene, people bustling by on city streets while an invisible orchestra played in the background. As soon as the auction scene in the old opera house began, Temari was completely riveted to the screen. It was as if nothing else existed. Despite himself, Shikamaru found himself actually liking the movie. The actor who played the Phantom was amazing, and even though Christine was wearing a really bad wig, the music was pretty good. Shikamaru glanced over as Temari, who was glued to the screen, smiling. Throughout the movie, he heard her singing along with the musical. _How many times has she seen this thing?_ he wondered, noticing that she apparently knew all the lines in the whole movie.

It turned out to be a really good romance (even though he usually didn't go for that type of thing) and Shikamaru was almost sorry when it was over. As the end credits rolled, Temari sat back in the sofa with a contented sigh. Then she turned to Shikamaru and asked, "So, what'd you think?"

"Actually, it wasn't that bad," he admitted, shrugging. "The Phantom is awesome. I don't like Raoul much, though."

"Neither do I!" Temari said excitedly. "Stupid Christine. She's such a whore! She was acting all horny around the Phantom, but she leaves him for Raoul. Idiot. I would've stayed with the Phantom. Besides, Raoul has girly hair. What a loser."

"Um, sure," Shikamaru said, raising an eyebrow. They both fell silent, until Shikamaru spoke up. "Uh…you have a good singing voice."

"What?"

"I, um, what I mean to say is…" Shikamaru felt his ears getting hot. "What I mean is, I heard you singing along, and you have a really nice voice."

"Oh. Well, thanks," Temari said, sounding genuinely pleased. "I never thought so, but it's nice to hear it from someone else." She smiled at him, and Shikamaru found himself involuntarily smiling back. It worried him that his body worked without his brain's consent, and he didn't like the feeling of losing control. He even tried to frown just to test it, but the grin stayed put.

And he couldn't pull himself out of her eyes. He could almost hear the air crackling between them as the stare intensified to a level that scared him. Suddenly they heard the front door slam, and the spell (or whatever it was) abruptly broke. The two quickly looked away from each other, and Shikamaru heard his mother's voice yelling, "Shikamaru, we're home! Come help put away the groceries!" He quickly stood, thankful for a reason to leave, and noticed with a jolt that he and Temari were sitting only a couple of inches apart. _Weren't we on opposite sides of the couch when the movie started?_ he wondered, feeling frightened and not exactly knowing why. He hurried to the kitchen, and eventually Temari stood up and followed.

--

**A/N: Ah, controversy! I had to throw in a little bit of Shikamaru being a sexist bastard. I couldn't help it. I love him, but it had to be written. Anyway, now they're back in the same house and the fun can keep going. If anybody has fun, random ideas for a chapter (I'll probably do one misadventure per chapter) then just scream! **

**I love the Phantom of the Opera. I'm listening to the soundtrack right now, as a matter of fact. Gerard Butler is absolutely amazing as an actor. I hate Christine, because she's a bitch, and Raoul because he's the rich pretty boy who stole the Phantom's one true love. If you haven't seen it, then you MUST. I would totally have stayed with the Phantom. I mean, he wasn't **_**that **_**deformed. His face was just a little lumpy-looking. Once you turn out the lights, his **_**face**_** isn't what matters. LOLZ. I'm sorry, you guys. I'm feeling pervy tonight, for some reason. Forgive me for being fifteen!**

**Anyway, I'll see ya next chapter. Have fun in the meantime!**

**Love you! XOXOXOXO (Please don't give me mono. XD)**

**P.S. I'm bored. I'm gonna go to some of your profiles and see if any of your stories inspire FANART cuz I wanna draw something and I don't know what to draw. Okay, bye!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I should really be going to sleep right now. I have school tomorrow (ugh). Can't wait for college. I'm listening to Panic At The Disco. I am SO angry that they took out the exclamation point. It gave their name pizzazz. Oh my god, my song just came on! "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off." I swear, they have the longest, most random titles ever. ANWAY.**

**Disclaimer: If Naruto were mine, Shikamaru and Temari would be an official, PUBLICLY ANNOUNCED couple. Alas, it is not to be. At least not in this world. .**

**--**

Shikamaru's mother nearly dropped the eggs. "Temari?!" she exclaimed in disbelief, her eyes wide. "When did you get here?"

"A couple of hours ago, actually," she replied, laughing. "Sorry for not letting you know sooner, but it was kind of a split-second decision."

"Oh, it's no problem at all," Mrs. Nara said, regaining her composure. "I'm elated that you're staying with us again. We all are, right honey?" she said, turning to her husband, who grinned and waved at Temari.

"Great to have you back, kid," he said, making space for the strawberries in the refrigerator.

"Did Shikamaru make you feel welcome?" Mrs. Nara asked, cutting her son a dangerous look. He rolled his eyes.

"Actually, we watched a movie together," Temari said.

"Oh," his mother replied, sounding surprised. "Well, that's good. I'm glad you two have settled your differences."

Temari and Shikamaru glanced at each other. They both knew that nothing had been settled, but something new had been created.

"Oh, Temari," his father piped up. "There was a call for you. It's someone named Kankurou."

"Kankurou?!" Temari asked excitedly. "Did he leave a number?"

"Here," he said, handing her the scrap of paper. "I'm assuming you know him?"

"He's my little brother," she said, grabbing the phone and dialing in the number rapid-fire. She held it to her ear, tapping her foot impatiently. Then she said, "Kankurou? Yeah, it's Temari…yeah, it feels like forever! Why did you…what? Are you serious?" Temari suddenly let out a very uncharacteristic, un-Temari-like shriek.

It kind of scared Shikamaru to see Temari acting like Ino, so he cautiously asked, "Uh, are you okay?"

"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," she replied absently, waving her hand at him. She went back to her brother. "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Shikamaru. What? No, gross, I'm staying with his family! Think before you speak, stupid…Look, can we finish this conversation later? Yeah, you too." She hung up and grinned.

"Guess what? My brother's coming to visit me!" Temari announced to the Nara family. Shikamaru's mother and father congratulated her. Shikamaru thought he was going to throw up.

_Another person like Temari?_ he thought, feeling sick. _I don't know if I can take this. Please, _please_ let him be less violent than the beast._

_--_

Shikamaru had to find a way to escape his impending fate, which was to be stuck in his own house with the Evil One and her Satan-sired brother.

So to leave the panic slowly taking over him, he fled to the safety of town, where the half-finished carnival rides would distract him from himself. In the twilight, he wandered the square, gazing up at the monoliths that would soon hold shrieking children and kissing couples.

He was standing over by what would be the fortune-teller's booth when someone pounced on him from behind. Shikamaru yelped and jumped away. There stood Kiba, laughing and petting Akamaru. "Did I scare you?" he asked.

"Holy crap, Kiba, what the hell's wrong with you?!" Shikamaru fumed, crossing his arms.

"Aw, we were just kiddin' around," he said. Akamaru barked in agreement. "We saw you standing here looking like this was the last night of your life, so we decided to cheer you up a little." He shrugged. "I guess it didn't work."

"Yeah, whatever," Shikamaru grumbled.

"Hey, I know what'll make you feel better!" Kiba exclaimed. "Let's go eat banana splits as fast as we can. Brain freezes always make _me _feel better."

"That's because you're an oddball, Kiba," Shikamaru said, rolling his eyes. "Whatever. Let's go."

--

Two and a half hours and four giant banana splits later, Shikamaru felt like he was going to die. His stomach was swollen and distended like a starving child's, and he was slightly green in the face. Kiba, on the other hand, looked fine.

"See ya later, Shikamaru," he said, waving as he left Shikamaru standing on his doorstep. Shikamaru groaned miserably in reply. He rang the doorbell, and the door opened before the sound stopped echoing. His mother stood there, furious, and Temari was seated in the living room behind her.

"Where have you been?!" she yelled, pulling him into the house by his shirt and slamming the door behind him. "You didn't tell us where you were going, you disappeared for hours…"

"Only two," Shikamaru muttered.

"Don't interrupt!" she said, pushing him harshly down onto the couch where he glared up at his mother. "How were we supposed to know whether you would even be coming home alive? Do you know what kind of sick people you could run into?"

"Oh, please!" he snorted disdainfully. "We live in the Leaf Village, Mom. I doubt that anyone's going to kidnap me, rape me, murder me and throw my mutilated corpse in the lake."

"Nice," Temari complimented him.

"Thanks. Anyway, Mom, you're making this bigger than it really is. You always do."

"Well, it's the principle of the matter," she blustered. "You can throw around all the statistics you want, but you can't blame me for worrying. Just because this is a relatively safe neighborhood doesn't mean you can go romping around at all times of night." She paused, and Shikamaru (who was already tired and dizzy from ice cream) almost fell over in his seat. His mother frowned, leaned in close and sniffed. "Have you been drinking?"

"Mom!" Shikamaru exclaimed. "Will you just leave me alone already?! It _isn't that big of a deal!_"

"Mrs. Nara, he does have a point," Temari piped up. "Compared to other villages, the Sand included, Konoha is a safe haven. Even though I doubt Shikamaru would ever be raped by anyone--" here he scowled at her-- "there's a virtually nonexistent chance of him being kidnapped or anything here in the Leaf."

The older woman frowned. "Well, I guess I can see where you're coming from, and I have to admit, your argument _is_ more logical."

"What?! You're going to agree with her even though she's saying the exact same thing that I am?" Shikamaru fumed.

"You just have to understand, I'm a mother," she said, ignoring her son and speaking exclusively to Temari. "Logic doesn't always work for me."

"And that's what I'm here for," Temari said, grinning. "I'm a _very_ logical person, you know."

"Except when you're trying to kill someone," Shikamaru muttered under his breath, aggravated that the two most dangerous women in his life (excluding Ino) were joining up. It wouldn't be long until they were conspiring against him, and it wouldn't be pretty.

Convinced that Shikamaru hadn't been in _too_ much danger, his mother went upstairs to get ready for bed. Which left him and Temari in the same positions on the couch that they had been only a few short hours earlier.

Temari turned to him. "So Shika--"

"Don't talk to me," he grumbled.

Temari looked insulted. "Don't talk to you?! I just saved your scrawny ass, and you tell me not to talk to you. What is this world coming to?"

"You're just trying to get in good with my mother, aren't you?" Shikamaru said, suddenly hostile. He faced Temari and said, "You're such a suck up!"

"The hell?! I am _not _a suck up! I could care less whether your parents like me or not. It just so happens that they do like me, and you don't like it because you're used to having all the attention," Temari mocked him. "Stupid only child. Maybe if you had some siblings you wouldn't be so bratty!"

"What does that have to do with anything? Having brothers sure didn't make _you_ any better!" Shikamaru shot back. "Besides, why would you stick up for me anyway? I've never done anything for you."

"Damn tootin'," Temari snarled. Then she sighed and seemed to mellow out. "I just didn't want to see you get yelled at."

"But why?" Shikamaru pressed her. "I don't get it."

"You wouldn't even if I explained until I was blue in the face," she said, suddenly venomous. "I just didn't feel like hearing your mom's screaming, okay?" She quickly got up from the couch and headed for her room. "I'm going to bed." Actually, the reason she wouldn't explain it to him was because she couldn't explain it to herself, not tonight at least. But Shikamaru didn't know that, and he was puzzled as he slipped into bed himself.

_I don't understand why she got so mad at me just for asking her why she defended me against Mom,_ he thought, frowning. _I was just asking a simple question. She didn't need to be so mean._

_Then again, maybe I shouldn't ask. She just helped me out of a tight situation, and her reasons are her business. I should just be grateful that she got me out of being grounded._

_But still, _he thought to himself, turning over, _I wanna know what's going on. Her mood keeps changing from "I'm gonna kill you" to "let's be friends." Or… maybe even "let's be more than friends." _Shikamaru shook his head violently to let out the evil thought. _No, are you crazy? That's madness. We're natural enemies. Besides,_ he sighed, _she'd never say that anyway. But why am I thinking about this?! On to something else!_ He struggled to turn his mind to another topic, but every time he tried to think about something else, an image of Temari kept popping up in his head. Eventually he just gave up and went to sleep with Temari on his mind.

--

**A/N: Sorry about the shorter chapter, but please be patient, because my Kanky shows up next chapter! I love him and his kitty ears I wanna pet him!**

**Oh, Shikamaru, drowning his sorrows in ice cream. That's kind of geeky, even for me. But it just popped up in my head…oh, I know where I got it! The Spongebob Squarepants Movie, where Spongebob and Patrick go to the sundae bar at the Goofy Goober! …Yes, I am aware of how big of a nerd I am. But I don't care! Life's more fun when you're as odd in the head as I am. :P**

**I'm tired. And I hate school. ****.**** I should go to sleep now. G'night, everybody, and I'll post this tomorrow night. Well, when you read this it'll already be past tomorrow afternoon, so it won't be tomorrow for you, it'll be today…but today isn't today…okay, can you tell my brain isn't working right now? Sleep tight, don't let the pr0ns bite.**

**Well, you could. You know, if you like that sort of thing. (On a random note: I explained S&M to my friend yesterday. How could he not know what sadomasochism is? He needs to get on the intarweb more.)**

**Love you, dears! XOXOXOXO**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: RANDOM CONFESSION TYME: I'm really concerned for my well being. I think I might actually be an emo kid. O.o I think I've been one all along, I just didn't know it. My friend told me last year that I was the most cheerful emo she ever met, and I was like "whatever," but I'm afraid that she's right! Oh no! Anyway…that was my journal entry for the day, since I'm a deadbeat and I never get on ANY of my THREE LIVEJOURNAL ACCOUNTS . (btw, lj is totally an emo site, but I kinda blocked that out of my mind when I joined.) **

**Now to something actually relevant to the story: KANKUROU'S HERE! Yay! Will they hit it off or will it be hell? You should know me well enough by now to figure that out on your own. :)**

**Disclaimer: Uh…the only thing that belongs to me is the insanity. The rest belongs to some rich dude who actually has good ideas. DX**

**--**

Shikamaru was surprised. For once, Temari was actually happy about something. He was under the impression that she only laughed at the expense of others, especially when they were in pain.

But no. Here she was, crazy hair and all, looking as if she weren't touching the ground as she danced around the house. It was beginning to scare Shikamaru, but then again, everything about Temari was at least semi-scary.

Except her skin. It was smooth and supple and had that natural golden tint that is only acquired after living in the sun. Shikamaru suspected that it was as soft as it looked, too. Her hands were certainly softer than they should be. He wondered what the skin on her legs felt like. The toned calves, the thighs, the gently rounded hips…

Shikamaru was horrified at himself. He immediately substituted an image of his grandmother for the mental image that was sure to come next. "What the hell is _wrong_ with me?" he muttered, pressing his fists to his forehead. "This can't be happening, especially to me…I'm not supposed to think about stuff like that. I'm supposed to be the egotistical genius that doesn't give a crap about anything. Not some…some…mind perv who gets pornographic mental images from his stupid imagination…"

He felt a tap on his shoulder. "Uh…Shikamaru?" Temari said as he turned and glanced at her, then quickly looked away and groaned. "…Are you okay? You seem kind of…I don't know, weird."

"Who, me? Weird? Never," he said, laughing oddly. "I'm just fine. I'll be even better if you go do something instead of asking me irrelevant questions," he said, back to his old self.

Temari huffed. "Well, fine," she said, sounding offended. "I was just seeing how you were, because you were talking to yourself like a crazy person, and you tell me that I'm asking you 'irrelevant questions,'" she mocked, making quotation marks in the air. "I'll leave you alone, don't you worry about that." Temari turned, casting one strange look over her shoulder, then lifted her chin and left the room.

Shikamaru slapped his palm to his face. _God, I'm a moron. She was just starting to like me. _He grimaced and slapped himself, harder this time, to knock some sense into himself. _You idiot! What makes you think that she likes you? You think that because she put a band-aid on your hand and watched a movie with you, you're gonna live happily ever after? Get real. She's just as stubborn as you are, and she's definitely more evil. Sorry, kid, but this ain't no fairy tale. _

_Well, it's not like I care whether she likes me or not,_ Shikamaru thought, switching back to first person. _Because I absolutely don't like her. We're enemies, we made that clear from the beginning. Besides, I'm sure that even if I _did _like her, which I don't, she probably has some tanned muscular boyfriend back in Suna who could pick me up and throw me as far as he wanted. I'm just some tall, lanky, pale guy. What do I have that he doesn't have? Well, brains, for one. I'm sure that intellect is just as rare in Suna as it is here. So I could totally beat him in a fight just by using my smarts. I mean, I'm a genius. He wouldn't stand a chance. But why am I thinking about this?! _Shikamaru knocked his head against the wall repeatedly, frowning. _Here I am, planning to beat up Temari's boyfriend (and I don't even know whether she has one or not) like some lovesick schoolboy! I should find out if she's actually taken first. No, wait, what?! No! It doesn't matter to me whether she's single or taken. She could be a pimp, for all I care, because I will have _nothing _to do with someone who wants to see my steaming entrails strewn across the ground!_

Shikamaru took a deep breath and let it out slowly, before he got overexcited. It wouldn't help him if he got all worked up. The best thing would be to stay calm. Very calm. So calm that he would go get a glass of water. He watched his feet carefully as he headed for the fridge, vaguely remembering that his parents had bought bottled water the day before. As he focused on his sandaled toes stepping into the kitchen, he abruptly collided with someone. The pleasing scent of sandalwood mixed with something vaguely floral wafted up to his nose as he fell to the ground in a tangled heap of arms and legs. As he struggled to right himself, he caught a glimpse of a pair of tanned thighs that definitely looked as soft as he'd thought. Then the view was gone as the owner of the gorgeous legs stood and brushed herself off. She looked down at Shikamaru, who was still on the ground.

"Why does this always happen to us?" Temari asked, shaking her head.

"Because life sucks," Shikamaru answered.

"That was a rhetorical question. You weren't supposed to say anything."

"Well, forgive me for recognizing my right to free speech," he said with mock apology, finally on his feet.

The two stared each other down for a few moments until Temari sighed and broke eye contact, looking down at something on the ground. "You made me spill my Coke," she said, pointing at the can lying in a puddle of liquid sugar. "Help me clean it up."

Shikamaru hesitated, but decided that it would work out in his favor if he just did as she said. He fetched some paper towels and sopped up the mess while Temari took the can to the recycling bin. When they were done, they stood there in the awkward silence that always comes when you want to say something but you can't.

Finally Temari said, "I'm gonna get another Coke. You want one?"

"I'll get some water instead," Shikamaru replied, following her to the fridge. She opened it and looked at him strangely.

"Since when are you Mr. Health?" she asked curiously, giving a short laugh as she grabbed a brightly-coloured can and tossed him a bottle of water.

"Since always," Shikamaru said defensively. "Water's just better for you than soda, everyone knows that. I don't even know why you're drinking that."

"Because caffeine is good," she said simply as she popped the top. "And who are you to tell me what I should and shouldn't drink when you came home last night stuffed with ice cream and ready to pop? You're the _last_ one who should be preaching the laws of health."

Shikamaru shuffled over to the table and sat down, wishing that she hadn't mentioned that little episode. He was hoping that she had forgotten it, but no such luck. Temari plopped down across from him, clutching her ice-cold treasure in both hands. Shikamaru felt like he should say something, so he said, "You seem pretty excited about your brother coming over. I'm guessing you guys are really close."

Temari snorted. "I'm just happy that I'll finally be with someone from Suna. You Leaf-villagers are a bunch of pansies. Anyway, I guess we're pretty close, but we're not like best friends or anything. I would be just as happy with anyone from my hometown. Don't expect any love and hugging and stuff, that's not how we operate. Most of the time, we act like we hate each other's guts. I guess you'd call it tough love."

Shikamaru blinked. "Okay then. What's he like?" He was trying to piece together a description of this guy so he could figure out whether he wanted to try and make friends or run and hide when Temari's brother came a-knockin'.

"He's a total dweeb. Clueless, gullible, not to mention to stupid…" Temari shrugged. "Despite his many shortcomings, he's an okay guy. You might like him."

"Sure." Shikamaru thought for a second. "Is he anything like you?"

"Why?"

"I just wanted to know if there might be any family resemblance in behaviour…"

"Oh, we're nothing alike."

Shikamaru exhaled in relief.

"I'm better," Temari added, smirking.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and asked, "Is that so?"

"Oh, yes. I'm superior in everything. The only thing where he's got me beat is being a guy. As I'm sure you know, I am not currently in ownership of a penis."

"Hold on, wait. How am I supposed to know? I haven't been anywhere near close enough to your crotch to figure out whether you've got one or not," Shikamaru argued.

Temari smirked. "What, the boobs aren't enough to convince you that I'm a girl?"

"Well, there are plenty of people who have both a penis _and_ breasts," he pointed out.

"Those, my boy, are called trannies," Temari said with a mock-teacher tone, "and I can assure you that I am not one."

Shikamaru suddenly lost control of his vocal chords, and they decided to take a risk without consulting his brain first. "Talk is cheap," his mouth said, while his brain tried to tell it to stop. "I'll believe it when I see it." _Oh my GOD. Did I actually just say that? Goodbye world, I'm officially dead. Write on my tombstone that it wasn't my fault._

But to his surprise, Temari merely grinned and leaned forward across the table. She beckoned to him, and he obediently moved close enough so that she could speak in his ear. Her lips brushed against his ear and he could feel her warm breath as she whispered, "I don't think you're ready for that yet." Then Temari promptly rose and left the room, chuckling as she left Shikamaru sitting dumbly in his seat, still halfway across the table.

_Okay. Am I crazy, or was she flirting with me? No, she couldn't be. She said I "wasn't ready." But she also said "yet." Did she say "yet" or am I imagining things? Or am I just completely insane?_

--

Temari was still laughing as she passed through the foyer on her way out of the kitchen. She hadn't had that much fun in weeks. Shikamaru was so easy to mess with, it almost made her feel guilty for taking advantage of him. Almost. The hilarity of it all definitely overpowered the potential guilt. As she passed by the door, the bell rang. She sauntered up to the window and peeked out.

That black hood with kitty ears on it was awfully familiar.

Temari backpedaled away from the door and ran smack into (who else?) Shikamaru, who had come to get the door. Temari whirled around, grabbed him by the collar, and pushed him up against the wall.

"This is so sudden," he joked, until she whipped out a kunai _(where did she get that?)_ and pressed it against his throat.

"If you act stupid or make me look bad, I will tape your eyes open and make you watch as I slice open your stomach and strangle you with your own intestines," she growled. She glared at him for a few more moments until the doorbell chimed again. Then she calmly put away the weapon in some hidden spot and went back to the door. Shikamaru rubbed his throat as she opened the front door.

"Hey, you stupid asshole!" she shouted happily.

"Hey, you evil bitch!" replied a male voice that Shikamaru didn't recognize. He peeked out and saw some guy dressed head-to-toe in black (never mind that it was the middle of summer) with…were those cat ears on his head?

The siblings punched each other a little bit, laughing about some private joke. Finally Temari said, "Well, why are you standing out there? Come on in." The guy stepped into the house and saw Shikamaru.

"Oh, so is this the guy you shacked up with?" he teased.

Temari crossed her arms. "I said we'd continue the conversation later. That didn't mean you would be able to continue making stupid comments, Kankurou." She snatched Shikamaru by the shirt (while he was trying to make his escape) and yanked him over to where she was. "This is the guy I told you about. Shikamaru, say hello."

"Hey," he grumbled, glaring at her. Kankurou snickered.

"Aw, don't be embarrassed," he said, laughing. "She does that to everyone. You aren't alone. Trust me, I had to deal with her bossing me around until I got big enough to fight back."

"You wish, Kankurou," Temari scoffed. "I can still order you around, and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't fight me, that's for sure."

"Sorry, Temari, but I can't be provoked right now," he said haughtily, putting up his hand. "I know you're feeling violent, but I refuse to fight you in this nice family's home. It might catch on fire."

"What? How would it catch on fire? Neither of us uses fire as a weapon."

"From my hotness, of course," Kankurou replied, smirking and polishing his nails on his shirt in the perfect display of a conceited frat boy.

Temari made a disgusted noise and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. And I am _not_ feeling violent."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. You're like that all the time." Shikamaru snickered, and Kankurou high-fived him.

Temari frowned, narrowing her eyes at both of them. "You think I'm mean _now?_ You haven't seen anything yet. Especially you, Shikamaru. You've only lived with me for a couple of weeks. Ask Kankurou what happens when I get mad. He can tell you."

"Yeah, I'll tell you, uh…what was your name? Shikamaru? Yeah, I can tell you," Kankurou said, trying to hide a grin. "I can tell you that when Temari gets really really mad, she spouts a lot of hot air and empty threats."

"Oh really? When have any of my threats turned out to be lies?" Temari demanded, her hands on her hips.

"Well, before you left you told me you were going to, uh…make sure I never have kids," Kankurou said, skirting around that part.

"What, neuter you?" Temari said, smirking wickedly. Both boys cringed.

"Yeah, that," Kankurou said. "And so far, testosterone production is going on as usual."

"That doesn't mean I won't do it in the future," Temari said, suddenly serious.

Despite himself, Kankurou shivered. "Uh, yeah right," he said, trying to regain his composure. "Like that'll ever happen."

"It'll be your birthday present, Kankurou," she said cheerfully, grinning as she left the room. "Your balls in a box. Maybe with a bow on top." She strolled into the guest room laughing.

"You wish, Temari!" Kankurou shouted after her with a touch of bravado. Then he glanced at Shikamaru, who was looking depressed. "What?" Kankurou asked.

"Looks like we're in the same boat," he responded, shaking his head dejectedly. "I was hoping that maybe you'd have figured out how to deal with Temari by now."

"Yeah, well," Kankurou said, shrugging, "I'm still working on it. It's an ongoing process. Hey, do you play cards?"

Shikamaru was slightly thrown by the random question. "Uh, what?"

"You know, blackjack, hearts, poker? Playing cards?" Kankurou said, holding up his hands.

"Yeah," Shikamaru answered. "But what does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm bored, and since I'm gonna be here a couple of days…" He pulled out a deck of playing cards. "I figure I might as well start beating you at cards now instead of later."

"Wait, you're staying with us?" Shikamaru asked, suddenly wary.

"Well, that's what I was assuming," Kankurou said, looking confused. "Are there plans I don't know about?"

"I mean, I just wasn't aware that you were…"

"I understand. It's fine," Kankurou said, waving his hand. "You guys have a hotel around here, right?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that. You can stay with Temari, can't you?" Shikamaru asked.

Kankurou snorted. "You can't be serious. I already live with her. The one time she's away from home for seven weeks, and you want me to actually spend the night with her? You must be kidding."

Shikamaru reddened. "I just thought…"

"No problem, dude. I'll rent a room somewhere. It's worth the fifty bucks just to get out of staying with _her_."

"I wish I had a choice," Shikamaru muttered. "I can't exactly leave my house and go stay in a hotel at a moment's notice."

"I know," Kankurou sympathized.

"No you don't."

"You're right, I don't," Kankurou said, grinning. "I do whatever I want. You poor unfortunate soul, you have to stay home and deal with my alleged sister."

"Alleged?"

"They claim that we're biologically brother and sister, but I say she was adopted from Hell's orphanage," he whispered, looking around as if someone would be spying on them.

Shikamaru laughed. "I totally agree with you," he said. "You know, I thought you were going to be evil like your sister-- sorry, 'alleged' sister. I guess you aren't so bad after all."

"Yeah, and I thought you were going to be the jerk who was fucking my sister," Kankurou said sincerely. "But I guess that's not happening, is it?" Shikamaru rolled his eyes and groaned. "What? Seriously, I thought I was gonna have to kick your ass."

"Yeah, well, there's _nothing_ between me and Temari," Shikamaru assured him. "You can rest easy."

Kankurou snickered. "Are you sure about that?"

"About you resting easy? Yeah, I--"

"No, stupid, about you and Temari!"

"What? Of course I'm sure! Have you not noticed the evil glares and death threats coming my way?!" Shikamaru protested vehemently. "Your sister wants to kill me with her own two hands, man! Are you blind?"

"No, I can see plenty," he said solemnly. His sudden seriousness startled Shikamaru out of his rant.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shikamaru asked suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing," Kankurou said innocently. "Now, are we going to play cards or not? I'm bored, and it's only three in the afternoon, so there's no nightlife. Although I'm sure that everyone here is asleep by eleven."

"What is _with_ you desert people?" Shikamaru muttered. "Alright, let's play."

--

**A/N: Damn, this is a long chapter! I think it's the longest so far. Eight pages on Microsoft Works, and counting. I'm so glad Kankurou's here! HE'S A KITTY XD and we all love him so. I need to finish my homework. Gawd, I absolutely loathe math of any kind. Logic doesn't do much for me. I'd much rather roam the endless roads in the fantasy worlds of my imagination…Or write completely random perverted stories about people who don't exist. . I need to go print my English homework, so I'll see you all next chapter. So long and good night!**

**P.S. I love you! XOXOXO **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Oh my gawrsh, I am SOOOO sorry I haven't posted in like forever! I feel like a deadbeat parent or something, abandoning my lovechild (whose father is Sweeney Todd) and not writing anything! PLEAAAAASE forgive me! I'm on my hands and knees, internet-style, begging you guys not to hate me. Right now I hate myself. I mean, really, it's been like a month since I last updated! GAAAAAAH I'm such a bad person. You guys are allowed to interweb-harass me since I officially suck. In the figurative sense.**

**Disclaimer: I do not claim rights of ownership of Naruto and associated characters and places. I only claim the random shit that pops up. WHENEVER I ACTUALLY GET OFF MY FATTY-FATTY-TWO-BY-FOUR-CAN'T-FIT-THROUGH-THE-KITCHEN-DOOR LAZY ASS AND WRITE SOMETHING. **

**--**

Temari was feeling pretty good about the day's events. Her little brother was here, and even though he was making friends with her bitch (Temari giggled at the thought of calling Shikamaru her bitch. She decided that was his nickname from now on) she didn't mind, because she had both of them under her thumb.

She hummed a little ditty under her breath as she strolled to the living room. Peeking into the doorway, she saw Kankurou and Shikamaru playing some card game, with Kankurou losing miserably. Temari walked in and stood over the table, placing her hands on her hips. "So, what's going on?" she asked, grinning.

"Temari, it's not fair," Kankurou complained, pouting. "Why didn't you tell me he was smart?"

"I didn't think it was necessary to describe his mental capacity. Quit complaining," she said, rolling her eyes and plopping down on the sofa next to Shikamaru. Close enough that he felt the breeze as she sat down. A little too close, he thought. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes, then tried to ignore the breach of his personal space. He really didn't mind _that_ much, anyway. _I mean, it's not like she makes me nervous or anything_, he thought, slapping down a card. _Just 'cause she's sitting next to me, it doesn't mean anything. And I really don't care. I don't care at all. I don't care that she's sitting an inch away from me. I don't care that if I turned my head and she turned hers at the same time our faces would touch, namely our lips--_

"Besides, I don't think he's that smart," Temari said, interrupting his one-person conversation. "If he was smart, he would go make me a sammich."

Shikamaru scrunched up his face. "What?"

"You know, that saying 'Bitch, go make me a sammich'?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Your nickname is now Bitch."

Kankurou snickered.

"What? Why?" he asked incredulously, turning and looking at her.

"Because you're my bitch, duh," she said, as if he were stupid, then looked expectantly at him. "I'm waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"Didn't you hear me? I said, bitch, go make me a sammich!"

"What the-- I am not making you a sandwich!" he exclaimed. He turned back to the game.

"Hey, don't make me bitch-slap you," Temari threatened, trying to hide a grin. Kankurou guffawed.

"Look, I am _not_ your bitch!" Shikamaru said, slapping down his hand on the table and glaring at her.

"Whatever," she said, waving her hand at him. "Deny it all you want, but I'm on top."

"Sorry, but you can't be on top," Shikamaru told her. "You're a girl. I'm on top."

"Oh my god, you are so sexist!" she exclaimed, making a face. "You really need to upgrade your way of thinking. You're living in the Stone Age."

"Come on, it's how things are meant to be!"

"I don't think so. I still say you're my bitch. And that's _final_." Temari stood. "I'll make my own sammich this time, but next time you'll get bitch-slapped before you can scream my name." She left the room, leaving the boys _very _confused.

"Wait…what?" Shikamaru said. "Did she say what I thought she said?"

"She has an annoying habit of getting the last word and then leaving," Kankurou muttered. "What? Yeah, she said it. Why?"

"Never mind," Shikamaru said distractedly. _I don't know whether to be pissed that she's calling me her bitch, or intrigued about that last part. I wonder if she meant that to be as perverted as it sounded. The thing is, I have the strangest feeling that she did. Should I be afraid…or happy? _

"I know what you're thinking," Kankurou grinned. Shikamaru felt his stomach clench.

"Wh-what do you mean?" he replied, not looking in his eyes.

"You don't like that she called you her bitch," he said, laughing. "She's like that with everyone. I guess she considers herself the Queen of the Bitches. That would be right, I guess."

"Everyone?" Shikamaru asked carefully, "Even her boyfriend?"

"Hah, what boyfriend? The last time she had a steady boyfriend was almost two years ago. And she broke up with him because she didn't like the way his voice sounded when he claimed he loved her. She thought he was just trying to get in her pants, which he probably was." Kankurou cast a sharp glance at Shikamaru. "Why are you so curious about her boyfriend all of a sudden?"

"Oh, I'm not," Shikamaru quickly assured him. "Just wondering if she even treated her boyfriend this badly."

"Yeah, well," Kankurou shrugged, "when you hang with Temari, what can you do?"

"Mm," Shikamaru agreed. There was a short silence before he said, "Hey, I think you're going to be here in time for the carnival."

"The carnival?"

"Comes around every summer. You know the kind: cotton candy, rip-off game booths, phony fortune tellers, giant creaky ferris wheel…the works."

"Sounds like something to do," Kankurou mused. "When's it opening?"

"I think it opens tomorrow," Shikamaru said thoughtfully. "I'll let you know."

"Sounds good."

--

Temari rummaged through the fridge, looking for some mustard for her sandwich. She chuckled. Messing with Shikamaru amused her to no end. He was just too serious for his own good.

The conversation quickly and involuntarily flashed through her mind. Suddenly she remembered what she had said about him screaming her name. Temari froze as she realized that he could have taken it the wrong way. But she didn't mean it that way. Did she?

_Why did I even say that?_ she wondered, feeling a little sick. _It just popped out…god, now I feel really stupid. Why the hell did I say that?! Now I'm gonna give that dumb kid ideas, and he's going to be thinking something that's completely _not_ true! _Temari set down the mustard bottle on the counter, then leaned against the fridge and massaged her temples. _The last thing I need right now is some stupid boy getting excited about something that won't happen. And I know that absolutely _nothing_ is going to happen with us. Of course not. Because I'm me, and he's him, and there are people you just can't reconcile yourself with. It's too bad, though. He's pretty cute. For a big crybaby, I mean. Not like sexy cute, of course. Just puppy cute. Like, I could pinch his cheeks. On his face. Stop changing the subject, Temari! Why in Hades did you say that to that boy?_

_Wait…_ she thought, opening her eyes. _How many times have I said something that was potentially misleading? _Temari thought back over the days, then remembered everything she had said to Shikamaru. She groaned and slid down the fridge to a sitting position on the floor. _What is wrong with me?_

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Temari jumped up and went to answer the door so as to distract her from her thoughts, yelling, "I'll get it!" She yanked open the carved wooden door and was surprised to see Ino there.

"Ino, what are you--"

"Hey, I heard your brother's here. Is it true? Is it?" Ino, overexcited, craned her neck to try see beyond Temari into the house. "Let me in! I wanna see!"

"Jeez, Ino, it's not like he's a celebrity or something," Temari said, rolling her eyes and stepping to one side. She trailed after Ino as the blonde pushed past her and made her way to the living room. Right before Ino got there, she stopped, almost causing Temari to collide with her. Ino pulled a compact out from her pocket and popped it open, dabbing powder on her already-flawless skin.

"Temari, do I look okay?" she asked, sounding worried. "Help me fix my hair!"

"Are you kidding me?" Temari replied, crossing her arms and looking incredulously at Ino. "You look like a freakin' Barbie doll, Ino. Why the hell are _you_ worrying about how you look, of all people?"

"Because I've never met your brother before," Ino explained simply, smoothing back her long golden tresses into a perfect ponytail. "And he's never seen _me_. Gotta make a good impression." She checked her appearance one more time, flashed a grin in the mirror, then snapped it closed. After smoothing her clothes down and taking a deep breath, she sauntered into the living room with a winning smile on her face. Temari followed her.

When Shikamaru saw them, he almost asked what was going on. Then he thought better of it and shut his mouth, shaking his head as he went back to the cards.

"Hello," Ino began, smiling so brightly Temari thought she might blind someone. "I'm Ino, and you are…?"

"Your turn, Shikamaru," Kankurou muttered abstractedly, intent on his card game.

Ino blinked. She wasn't used to being ignored. Frowning, she stepped closer and said, "Hey, did you hear me? I'm Ino."

"Yeah, whatever," he said, not even looking at her as he distractedly waved his hand at her for her to go away.

Ino huffed angrily. Temari held back a laugh as Ino marched in front of him, stepped up onto the table where the cards were, and stamped her foot on the wooden surface. "I _said_, I'm Ino," she declared, glaring down at Kankurou. "Now, if you don't like me that's fine, but the least you could do is politely introduce yourself!"

Kankurou finally glanced up to where Ino was standing with her arms crossed, looking expectantly at him. There was a moment of silence until he flatly said, "I'm Kankurou. Now get off the damn table." Temari couldn't help herself; she laughed aloud while Shikamaru stifled a grin.

Ino was shocked into silence, and stood frozen in place with her mouth open. She wasn't used to being ignored, and she certainly wasn't used to being snubbed. She closed her mouth, frowned, and gave Kankurou a dirty look. He scowled back, and the glare that went between them was so intense that you could almost hear the air between them crackle with electricity. Finally Temari stepped forward, laughing, "Alright, come on, Ino," and pulled Ino off the table, dragging her out of the room. Ino and Kankurou never stopped glaring at each other the whole time.

Temari pulled her out of the doorway, then stopped and let go of her. "What was that all about?" she asked, chuckling.

"Wow," Ino said distractedly, glancing back over her shoulder into the living room, her eyes shining. "Your brother's cute!"

Temari did a double take at Ino's excited face. "Are you sick or something?" she asked incredulously, pressing the back of her hand to Ino's forehead.

"No, no, I'm perfectly fine," Ino replied, brushing off Temari's hand. "And so is your _brother…_" She tried to steal another look into the room, but by that time Temari was checking her pupils for dilation.

"I think you might be having a seizure, you just don't know it yet," Temari said with all seriousness, peering into Ino's eyes as she held open her eyelids.

"No, Temari, leave me alone!" Ino complained. "I'm not sick, okay? I mean, god, is it that hard to believe that someone thinks your brother's attractive?"

"Ew. I'd rather not think about it."

"Well, he's cute. He looks nothing like you," Ino said thoughtfully, cocking her head.

"And what exactly is _that_ supposed to mean?" Temari asked, placing her hands on her hips.

"Nothing, I'm just saying he looks different than you do," Ino said, backing up defensively. "You're really pretty, but you guys just don't look very alike."

"He looks more like me when he doesn't have on the face paint. And if you think we don't look like each other, you should see my other brother," Temari informed her, snorting a laugh. "He looks _really_ different."

"You have _another_ one?!" Ino asked eagerly. "What did your parents do, just sit out in Suna and create hot guys for me to find?"

Temari rolled her eyes. "You're just way too excited about this," she muttered.

"You know, I'd really like to get to know your brother better," Ino mused, smiling and peering back into the living room.

"That's what you think." Temari told her. "Soon enough you'll see--"

"That's it," Ino decided. "I'm staying the night."

Temari was horrified. "_What?!"_

--

**A/N: Do you know how **_**long**_** it took me to write this chapter?! I couldn't think of anything! But now I've got something to work with. Don't expect the next chappie too soon, though, because now I have to think of what comes next. XD**

**Thank you all so much for waiting and not killing me with your magical internet powers. **

**I lubs you! XOXOXOXOXO**


End file.
